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Health Discussion Forum

 My mom's Breast Cancer Stage IV question?
the doctor said she was already incurable :(( does it mean she will just die??

pls help

right now she is just continuing her chemo's and checkup's and med's

 I have cancer, How come im not worried..?
I recieved my results few days ago, and have been told that I have an incurable lung caner. I have no smoking, history, I work out regularly (2 to 3 times a weeK). Im 22 ut for some reason im have no ...

 Skin cancer age 13?
Is it remotely possible to get skin cancer at age 13 when your in the sun maybe 15 min every few days?...

 What do I do? My Mom is dying of cancer in the USA (where I'm from) but no one knows when, and I live in UK
I just went to see her this month, but my sister says it's getting worse, yet my Mom denies that....

 Does sleeping in a bra make you have breast cancer?
Even if it doesn't, are there any downsides to it?...

 are there any positives to smoking?
if there are any.if not what are negitives....

 Is it possible for a 17 year old to get cancer?
Is it possible for a 17 year old to get cancer? Just a yes or a no answer. I don't want any "its usually more common in older people"...

 my dad died on the 19th from difficulty breathing with lung cancer? can you answer this question please?
ok so my dad just died 3 days ago since its 12 am here
and i just found out his doctor was on vacation who the **** gives a sick patient a doctor on vacation people can really be evil..
and ...

 do i have a brain tumour?
i am so scared .... i have been having constant headaches and head pains ..... i went to the doctor and they said there was nothing visably wrong with me and my blood pressure was fine. then today i ...

 Help my friend is not going to be a cancer survivor what's going to happen to her ?

 Billions & billions of dollars have been raised for cancer research, but no cure. Do you think they really...
don't want to find a cure because pharmacuetical companies, hospitals and doctors make so much money off of the disease?...

 what is your opinion on the cause of the somewhat recent cancer outbreak?
my personal opinion is that geneticaly engineered foods have alot to do with it because ever since there debut in the 90's autism and cancer have skyrocketed to the point where 1 in 8 women will ...

 will my hair fall out? ?
i've got a benign brain tumour. i may need to have radiation. what is this? will my hair fall out? will i need support? i live alone and dont hav anything to do with my family and cant count on ...

 where can i talk 2 people with cancer??
i was recently diagnosed with cancer and am currently going through chemo ..........my family and friends have been gr8 but it's hard to talk 2 them because they dont realy know what i'm ...

 Is it common among teenagers that smoke cigarettes to get lung cancer?

 why can't governments try to find some medicine which can help smokers quit their habit?
The antsmoking campain can best dealt with there could be drungs specfically to help peole quiting the habit and at the same time reduce the risks of cancer....

 is it advisable not to get involved with a girl who has had breast cancer before for health reasons?
curious? :D
Additional Details
hey i was just asking. why are you all getting so mean?...

 my husband has brain cancer told about 3 mos to live ,all bills are in his name, how do I change them to mine?
all bills are in his name, I want to change them into my name, before he dies?...

 Do all cancer patients lose hair?
Do people diagnosed with ANY cancer lose hair?...

 My husband is drinking himself to death, and does 'nt know what he's doing, do I tell him or let him slip away
He is content and happy in his damaging life style, have I the right to change all that, when there is no garuantee that he will want to stop. I'm not interested in Alanon. He has asthma, ...

My dad is in late stages of cancer - please help?
My dad (72 yrs) was diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of months ago which spread to the brain and its been very distressing seeing him go through radiotherapy and all the effects of the disease. He seemed to be getting a little better a while after radiotherapy (although very tired physically) but the main problems he had were falling and the last fall he had was nasty but he refused to go to the hospital (when he was in hospital he made a huge fuss as he hates them and is very stubborn). He also refuses to go into hospice for a few days and my elderly mother is having trouble coping and is exhausted. Apart from me she is alone. The saddest thing is these last few days he's now not able to get off the sofa where he lays all the time (he would walk assisted to the kitchen and back for a cigarette), he's lost control of his bowels and bladder, he won't eat and hasn't drunk hardly anything for a couple of days. He seemed to get worse after this last fall on Tuesday. I'm helping most days as I have a young family, my mum is worried about him not eating and drinking and we asked the doctor to persuade him to stay in a hospice for a few days but he refused as he wants to stay at home. I totally understand that but it's so upsetting seeing him lying there in this state and I want him to have proper care even though my mum is doing her best. I'm prepared for the worst but I really need to know when someone has lost control of their bladder etc and won't eat or drink, how much longer would a person live? I'm asking people with experience please. What can we do for him - I ask if he's in pain and he says no but I think he's hiding it? Advice appreciated thanks.
Additional Details
Thanks for your response - when you say very soon, do you mean hours, days or weeks?

Hi there, i lost my dad 5 years ago, the same thing, and i along with mother were the only carers till late on when as your dad he stopped eating and drinking, so i had to go against his wishes, and i called the ambulance he needed to be re hydrated, and given pain killers, as your dad he tried to hide the pain, he didn't like been in hosp, but for a few days i had to tell him it was for mam this, then he could come back home he did for a few days but needed more care than we could give him so eventually he went into a nursing home, thing changed quickly, just over a week later he passed away, he didn't know, were he was or what was happening, but thankfully due to the nurses he wasn't in pain which we couldn't have done at home, it hurts to go against there wishes but you have to to get the best for them, i got called all the names under the sun it hurt but i knew it wasn't really mt dad and the cancer talking, if you want to talk more feel free to mail me . stay srong i send you all my love.

Walter M- Barbara
Your Dad is a tough old bird. You can only help him by pain medicine, if he refuses there is nothing you can do. Hospice only helps with pain and make them comfort. You
should tell him though that he is putting your Mom through hell and it isn't fair to her. She has a life to live also. If he cares for her he will try ease her by medicine or hospice.
In a way he is being selfish and cruel to his loved ones.
God Bless you and your family!

It is obvious that your dad is very scared & as you say is fighting like hell but this is very unfair on your mum. Tell mum she needs to be Strong and if she really wants to help him she needs to be honest with him tell him she wants to be his wife not his nurse & persuade him to get help into the home, answers around pain control are great but sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind, you don't want mum to be ill as well then he would have no choices and would be angry at himself, this is not what you want at the end of your life, Macmillan Nurses & Marie Curie are fantastic just get them in they know how to handle awkward people and wont resent your dad for it, good luck & god bless you & your family especially mum.

I just want to apologise to Andy as I went to thumbs ups your answer and pressed the down one by mistake, I am sorry as your answer will be helpful to the poster

First of all, please don't listen to any so called "nurses" (first poster who has now changed that...lol) giving advice. The truth is, losing control of bladder and bowel is NOT necessarily an indicator that death is right around the corner. For one thing, if he's not eating or drinking, he's probably too weak to get up and go use the bathroom.

A couple of people had ideas about UK resources and I would definitely check into this. It's not uncommon for people to hate hospitals and want to stay at home, and there's definitely a right and wrong way to do this. Your mom needs relief, he needs nutrition and pain meds, etc etc.

I do have one question. You say he got worse after his fall and then didn't want to go to the hospital. Is it possible he broke something? He may be in a lot of pain from that and assuming it's related to the cancer, and it could be a simple broken bone and he's scared so he denies the pain.

In other words, no one can tell for sure, but it may not be as dire quite yet as you think. He really needs to be evaluated and someone has to help your mom get him to a place where this can be done. If "they" thought he was imminently terminal, they wouldn't have radiated him. Good luck.

you should look into patient controlled pain relief devices or syringe drivers, which enable a terminally ill patient to have consistent pain relief, improving quality of life and enabling him to sleep well etc.

not long. The only option is to get custody for yourself or your mom so you can make rational decisions. This is what I finally did for my dad before he died last year. The other thing I would really hold onto is Jn. 3:16

Katho H
Once my own dad could no longer eat or drink, we had only a few days. It's unpredictable, but in the last hours you will hear the "death rattle", that is, rattly breathing. Once the loss of appetite has occurred the body is in full shut-down mode. We had a morphine pump inserted into my dad's shoulder after he was unable to speak or move at all, because it's really hard to tell how much pain they are in. We also soaked giant cotton buds in water so that we could keep his mouth wet, and there was a lot of lip balm use. Thankfully we had a free nursing service called Silver Chain (run purely on donations) so we had my dad at home for his last weeks. My sister and I hardly left my parent's room the whole time, and he was grateful to be at home with us.
Of course, knowing it's coming doesn't make the final day any easier. I wish you and your family all the best in this time. It's the most horrible thing we ever experienced, but somehow we've managed to keep our chins up. Things get easier to handle. Just stick together.

All the best.

My mother in law, died from cancer, the last week of her life, she was at home where she wanted to be,

But there where nurses who would stay with her through out the night, 10pm till 7am, so her partner could get some sleep, and they came to the house through out the day also, Marie Curie nurses they where wonderful.

sorry not much experience but, if he is not eating and is in the late stages i wouldnt imagine he would have long left to suffer, weeks rather than months i would think. sounds like your going through a very difficult time and i really feel for you. could you explain to your dad the benefits not just to him but to his familay of him going into the hospice? maybe if he sees your familys pain he might think differently but make sure you make him aware that he is not a burden. sorry if this answer is a bit crap.
good luck
kind regards

sidekick ya face
I`m very sorry that you're going through this. If your father hasn't eaten or drank anything in a few days, then he is most likely nearing the end, & the fact that he has lost control of his bodily functions supports this idea also.

Trust me, I understand what you're going through. I lost my father 8 months ago to cancer. As hard as it is to watch them go through this just know that soon, his pain will all be gone.

Be strong for you & your Mother. It's going to be a long road & you have to brace yourself. But things will get better, I promise.

If he's in pain, try calling his doctor & see what they suggest. They may want to sedate him with medication to make him as comfortable as possible.

I'd say he probably has hours to days. I'm really sorry. =[

jackie m
Are you in the UK - if you are arrange for the McMillan Nurses to come and help your mum, that's what they are there for. You don't say what type of cancer? 6 years ago my dad age 72 had lung cancer, operated and recovered, 3 years later, Christmas 06 he was unwell and feeling sick taken to hospital and told bowel cancer, tried to remove tumour but failed, he was in hospital most of the time, we were told 6-9 months in and out of hospital and when he was bad and was being sick, the doctor asked my mum if it was like coffee granules, I knew by that he didn't have long, back to hospital, by that time he wasn't eating he was in pain and hallucinating and making up stories, from then he was on morphine most of the time, his liver had given up, he died in march 06 - totalling 3 months from unwell till he died. As for your dad I would think 4-6 weeks maybe less but if I was you I would prepare yourself for 4 weeks and pray for more.

Irish eyes
I really feel for you as I went through the same thing with my dad(only he was a quiet man). When it got to the stage where you are at the moment my mum and me made him as comfortable as possible in his bed. We contacted the hospice who came out immediately and knew all the right things to do and they gave us great advise. He lasted a month from the day he took to the bed and died peacefully.
Contact the hospice they will talk with him and I'm sure he will do as they say.
All the best and spend as much time as you can with him.
God Bless

My heart goes out to you. I'm not a nurse, so I cannot help you with medical advice. I did watch my sister suffer breast cancer last fall, and I was blessed to be there at the end. This was very very difficult for all of us, yet I feel privileged to have been there. Like your dad, she chose to stay at home rather than go back to the hospital, and this was a good thing. She was far more comfortable and relaxed.

But we also had the benefit of a hospice nurse who came to her house those last few days. She took care of monitoring the prescriptions and whatever physical care was needed. Have you looked into this? I'm not sure what services are available where you live, but your dad's physician or someone from the hospital should know of some organizations that offer this service. The cost is often covered by health insurance or, in our case, Medicaid. Once someone loses their appetite and bodily control, a professional health provider is much better able to deal with the situation than family members.

I wish you and your mom the best during this difficult time. The wonderful thing is that your dad is surrounded by the people who love him the most. That probably brings a great deal of comfort to him, whether or not he can articulate it. And your being there will always bring you comfort as you think back on these days in the future.

Ask the Dr or hospital to put you in touch with the McMillan nurses, you can also find them on the web, they are dedicated to caring for the terminally ill and cancer patients and can help with daily care visits and even staying at night so your mum can get some much needed rest. they are really good and they helped my Mum when she got lung and breast cancer and was very scared. Lucky for us she has come through and is now recovering well and just had her 80th birthday ,but they were there for us and her and it was a relief to have experienced people around, Call them

He's leaving you very very soon and he's trying like heck to hang on. (I'm a nurse). If you have some photos of you growing up pair them together with good memories and sit by his side and go through your life and his part in your memories. Tell him how well he did and how very much you love him. When you are finished, (your mom should do one as well) tell him it's time to let go. You must say this to him and your mom also. He IS in pain and if he wont' take the meds, you are going to have to sneak it into his food or ??? If he still refuses you are going to have to have him see a doctor. It's serious when the bladder/bowels go.

Say goodbye and let him know he did a great job and that you are always going to love him. It's my personal belief that you WILL see eachother again and that it's ok for him to let go and be out of his pain.

Hang in there,


Bryan's Princess
No one can honestly tell you how long a person with terminal cancer has left to live. And your Dad being as stubborn as you say he is...that's what has kept him going and alive.

Maybe your Dad is hurting and having issues due to the recent fall he experienced, perhaps causing possible damage to his lower extremities and making it impossible for him to get up at all.

He won't admit to pain if he knows that people are going to try to put him into some type of hospital or nursing home. Your Dad probably still understands what is going on around him, however he is just to weak and sick and would rather not respond.

Try contacting your Dad's social worker through the hospital he's being treated at. All cancer patients being treated have social workers assigned to them. Have the social worker find out all the options your Dad has which his insurance covers for "Home Nursing and Health Services"- which would consist of a nurse that makes daily or weekly visits (depending on his condition) to his house to care for him in his own home. I believe all insurances cover up to some limit of in-home nursing care.

My husband (40 yrs old) has Stage 4 Brain Cancer "Glioblastoma" and has been fighting his cancer since 1/6/09. It gets unbearable at times, I do understand. Over the last 2 years, my husband has lost all function of the right side of his body (arm, hand, leg, foot), his ability to walk, short term memory loss, and at times he forgets who I am. Just recently after his 17th Brain surgery, he has now lost his ability to speak. He tries to talk, but he only makes sounds and gets so mad. He is fully aware of what's going on around him, and at times I know that makes it even harder for him. For my husband is STUBBORN as well.

I have been his full time caretaker since the day he was diagnosed and still managed to work part time (from full time), however he now
requires 24 hour supervision which required me to leave my job. It's tough and exhausting most of the time when you are caring for a loved one who can not care for themselves, but you've got to remember....they're sick, they need family, and they need the proper care. There are always options, you just have to ask and find them...and I'm glad you did.

Talk to a social worker about the Home nursing options for your Dad, and my prayers are with you and your family.

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