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Health Forum    Cancer
Health Discussion Forum

 Friend may have Breast Cancer? How to tell mom? URGENT?
My friend is 14. She has multiple signs of breast (one bleeding nipple, which led to her discovering a large lump (all this happened yesterday)) she knows she should get checked, and has asked me how ...


 Please tell me that I DONT have cancer?
My back pain started in August, shortly after I attempted suicide in July, I woke up one day trying to get out of bed with back pain, since then my doctor told me through xrays that i have spinal ...


 eraser burns!! Do they give you skin cancer?
Ok so i gave myself like 7 eraser burns. Then everyone was telling me it gives you skin cancer and im a little freaked out. So can someone tell me if it does??...


 Cancer....?
My grandpa is a cancer patient. He has a tumor that could kill him because it cna't be removed, and it seems he has given up. He doesn't have cancer anymore, but he is giving up on life. He ...


 views on medical marijuana as a cancer patient/caregiver?
I'm just wondering where everyone stands. When I was first diagnosed I had so many friends and family (many very conservative) offering to 'hunt' some down for me and I don't ...


 cancer...spreading?.. surgery complete.. now just waiting..?
friend just had colon surgery... as the tumor was cancerous.. Surgery went well, but surgeon said it will take perhaps more than a week to get results.. Is that true? i mean, I woud understand if ...


 What doesn't cause cancer?
God, it seems everything leads to cancer nowadays. There's cigarettes, drinking, being in the sun too long, radiation, viruses, eating red meat, age, hormones, pharmaceuticals, being overweight, ...


 My mom has terminal cancer and was denied Medical?
My moms medical was denied today and she is devastated, I know she's scared and I don't know how to help. Currently she lives with me here in California since she was diagnose with ...


 Is there something stronger than Morphine, for cancer patients?

Additional Details
My Mother and my Sister have bone cancer. God bless....


 If a pack of cigarettes cost 100 to 2000 dollars a pack would people still smoke?
...


 Would you like your body to be frozen on your death and stored to be cured of whatever it was killed you?
Bit of wishful thinking I think....


 Anybody else terrified of getting cancer?
Seems sometimes I am scared of getting it, and think about it alot. Anybody else that way?...


 cervical cancer jab . . . . .?
im 18 in three months time and i still havent had my cervical cancer jab. all my friends that have had it said that their doctor sent them a letter with an appointment. i havent had an appointmnet so ...


 What Does Cancer Feel Like?
Is it a throbbing pain? Sharp? Aching? Just curious is all. Thanks!...


 Could i have a brain tumour (please anwer really worried)?
i have anxiety and i often feel like i have something serious, here are my recent symptoms-
* eye headaches (i do require glasses but rarely wear them)
* tunnel vision/vision fading to ...


 would someone after having chemo be well enough to go out partying?
my aunt has had chemo for two weeks after being diagnosed with osopheugus cancer she is out partying, dancing and drinking gyn and tonic and also her hair looks beautiful. So she has told the family. ...


 Painful, pea-size lump on forehead? Help, im worried?
My boyfriend has an EXTREMELY painful to touch, peasize lump on his forehead. Its been there for about a year now, but only just become visible. It's growing, and it gives him extreme headaches ...


 Is it possible to design a virus that only targets cancer cells?
...


 i think im dying please help me asap!!?
for about a month now ive been like shaking for no reason like ill be sitting there and i start shaking not cause i cold it just happens.. like random twitches..i also have had some bad headaches in ...


 why is it so important to support breast cancer ?
why is it so important to support breast cancer ?...



Birteybear
I am a 15 year old girl and my mum died of cancer a month ago?
Im 15 and my mum only recently died of cancer-she had multiple kinds, breast, liver, thyroid,back it was basically everywhere and she also had a small brain tumour and i was just wondering how are you meant you grieve? I had known about her cancer for about five years and it had only just started getting very bad, she seemed alright until about a week before her death, she just started going downhill really fast then. Her feet and stomach/abdomen area swelled up very big and her eyes and skin got a yellow tinge. She started losing weight very quickly, in a few weeks her arms were tiny and frail, and her ankles and stomach were a stark contrast. I saw her being taken away in an ambulance and getting put in a hospice because we didn't know what else to do and had done all we could for her. She couldn't even hold a cup. And now, less than a month after this, my life is just continuing on. And it feels wrong. Like I have somehow cheated someone. Like my mum. I should not being living this so called 'normal life'. I should be miserable and swimming in my own tears. Is it because I did not love her? Im sure that I did. She was my mum. She was basically my whole world, I don't have a dad. But if I did love her then why did i not cry at her funeral?? Why and how did i stay stone faced just wishing that the whole charade was over. I just want my life to go back to normal. I try to think about her, but I cant even remember what her face looks like without a picture to guide me. Is my memory that bad or is my subconscious merely trying to protect my conscious from these haunting memories. I cant remember that past life that only occurred up to a month ago. Why is this?? Please help
                      









grandma
Sweetheart you have already grieved from the months of torment that you saw her go through and now it's all over with. She has no more pain and is dancing in the streets of heaven.
You now are experience God's peace that passes all understanding.
When my mother passed a lot of people thought that I was happy to see her gone but it wasn't that. It was because of God's peace. I was rejoicing because I know that my mother is with the Lord now dancing and praising Him. I didn't cry at her funeral either. I smiled when they read "Oh if you could see where I am now".
God bless you.


Cissy M
Well, you knew your mother was going to die, and you were prepared for it. Grieving can go in cycles. Years later, you may be emotional hit with something. I was sitting at a Toastmaster's (public speaking group) years after my mother's death. Someone was asked how she picked speaking topics. She said that she looks for topics that are common to all. She said "Everyone has a mother, and that is why she picked her mother as a topic." I started to tear, and I looked around the room and could tell right away who has a deceased mother. Be glad that you are able to carry on with your normal life. Your mother did not want her death to hold you back in life.


kid on the block
Love, your life has just turned upside down, one way of coping is to blank out and get on with things, another is to dissolve in tears, there are lots of others.

Try contacting Cruse, a charity which supports bereaved people, their local number will be in the phone book. They will have experienced people who you can talk to and who will not judge you.

You don't tell us where you are living now but I hope the adults looking after you are sympathetic. I find visualising people difficult, you also want to remember her full of life and not the sick mum she became at the end so look at the happy pictures you have, write down the happy memories you have because one day you may want to share these with your own children. Use the pictures you have to help your memory - when were they taken, what were we doing, what else happened. You may find you cry, that is OK - I just pray that someone is there for you if that happens.

For myself, I didn't cry when my dad died, I cried buckets when my mum died. The doctor said it could be that I was trying to be strong for my mum and the floods of tears after she died was almost completing my grieving for my dad. At the moment you feel you need to be strong for yourself, one day you may find that you need to cry - possibly that crying may start over something else. Don't judge yourself, but do try to find someone to support you so that you can dissolve into tears if you feel the need.

I hope that the rest of your life will be happy and fulfilled as I am sure your mum wanted it to be.


Laurence
Rating
People show grief in different ways. It might also be that you knew the day has been coming for a few years now so you have had the chance to spend every minute you can with her and enjoy it. You may break down one day from it or you may just keep it bottled up and never feel the grief but you still love her and always will because she was the world to you.


pirate_princess
Rating
I feel for you, it is all still very new and different and you are most likely in a form of shock. You will find that things do not go back to normal, but you just get used to a different type of 'normal' like it was but also different.

Contact a bereavement charity for help, you are very young and need someone who understands to guide you through.

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

http://www.facingbereavement.co.uk/BereavementCounselling.html


ouwangalayma
Rating
I'm 60 years old, I don't feel like I'm that old, I was 19 when my mom died of pancreatic cancer, we all have to go through this losing of someone at some point in our lives. One of my main grips to God is of the total silence of this experience. One minute they are there and talking and the next just a void of nothing. You can't ask them if they're o.k. And you suddenly realize that there is a great void left where that person used to be.And yes it feels like the feeling you described.I hate that old saying "You don't know what you have until you lose it" but it never rings more true than when you lose someone, especially your Mom. You want to say all the things you never said and do all the things you never did. But it's to late.And all you can do is learn a great lesson in life.
There are no set rules on grieving. Crying or not crying has nothing to do with how much you love someone. When I went to my Moms funeral my Dad and I where sitting near the front with all of our friends and relatives sitting in the pews behind us. I was numb and couldn't cry either, we stood for the pastors speech, and when he was through we sat down, my Dad was in another world, when he sat down he streached his arm out on the pew directly under my seat, when I sat down I went catapolting sideways, so now I was not only not crying, I was angry, imbarassed and grieving all at the same time, and I didn't cry for a long time. I moved to Florida later on and got a job as a tree trimmer. One day I was trimming a tree way up in the top and I began thinking of how much I missed my Mom. I finally was able to cry up in that tree in someones back yard. No one was there and i just let loose with the tears, I remember thinking that I would give my right arm to have my Mom back. Youwill cry in time to dear, don't force it or expect it. When your ready you will know.
I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.


Janice Willis
Rating
How awful for you! I lost my mum when I was in my early twenties. You knew the day was coming and had accepted the situation. Try to remember the good times. What I'm worried about is how is going to look after you? You don't have a Dad.


Rhiannon
Big hugs.

We have just found out that a family freinds cancer has spread and she does not have long left.
Lots of people greive in different ways and by your post I can see that you are missing your mum.
Please try to remember the good times.
All the best.
.X.


JoLI
Rating
Hi, I just want to say how sorry i am your going through all this, to lose your mother, at such a young age is just terrible. I know how you are feeling though. Only 6 months ago i buried my grandfather, he died of cancer too. To watch the suffering and hurt the people we love go through this with cancer is just so hard. I felt the same like you do now, i didn't even cry at his funeral. The only time i cried is when i was rubbing his hair as he took his last breath. I still haven't cried now. And that is ok. It doesn't mean you loved the person any less, it is just your way of dealing with things. Everybody goes through grief in their life, and every single body deals with it differently. Somedays you will feel ok, and you'll have other days you won't even feel like getting out of bed and that is ok. I have no doubt that your mother knew how much you loved her, and she is looking down on you now guiding you. It has only been a month since she passed and things are still to raw for you yet, but in time it will get a little easier and you will go on to live a very happy life, with your mom guiding you in the right path. Its ok that you can't remember her face right now, as you said that is more likely your subconsious blocking things out. And in time, when you remember her, it won't be her face when she was ill you will picture, it will be one of her smiling and happy memories you two shared together. I think your a very brave girl, having to deal with all of this, but please just remember the happy times with your mom, and always remember she loves you and is looking down on you every minute of every day. Good luck and take care of yourself.....


Margaret
Rating
well babe i am sure you loved your mum,she was poorly for quite a while so you did have time to ajust,have you ever thought you are grieving in your own way you took time to write a question so she must be in your head,you dont have to burst into tears to be upset,at 15 you have things to do with friends dont feel guilty you no doubt you looked after your mum so you had 5 yr of grieving so now your mum is at pease live your life that is what she would have wanted make her proud,she will be with you always good luck in all you do xx


aeroqueen
Rating
Your post tells me that you are grieving. We all grieve differently, you are having feelings of guilt, you also sound like you're suffering from a sort of shock to your system, even though you knew your mum was dying. Perhaps also your sub conscious is shutting off your emotions. Not everybody cries and shows a lot of outward emotion when they are grieving. I don't, it takes me a while to absorb what's happened, even when expected death occurs.
Have you spoken to anyone about your feelings? I really feel that you should talk to a close family member or better still, a doctor. You're only young and you need some help and support at the moment.


WENDEL HOMES
Grieving is a weird process it can and does effect people in the most uncanny ways.
I lost my mother 20 yrs ago and two months prior too that my wife and I had taken her to ASDA in her wheelchair....six months after we had had her funeral, again we were in ASDA and a lady in a wheelchair happened to enter our aisle.. then it happened, straight out of the blue , me a Strong minded well built male welled up with tears and had to delve for my Hankrcheif as the realisation that my mother had died and was lost to me forever really hit home.
Last year a very dear sister similar a similar manner as your mum I often fill with tears at her memory.
One thing a can advise is when these moments happen... and they will, you must allow the tears to flow for that is the way that grief is released and we regain normality .
I am so sorry that you have experienced death at so young an age, it is not a good time in life to have a loved one die especially your dear MUM.
Cry as you will and remember her love always.


Buddha
Rating
I am so sorry, you shouldn't have to go through this at your age. You are still in shock and grief takes a long time. There are different phases to it and you are still in the first phase. One thing I do know is that your mum would want you to be carrying on as normal. I am terminally ill and know that I shall have to leave my children and grandchildren and it's what I want for them. I am luckier than your mum was because my children are in their thirties but I worry about my grandchildren because we are very close. When you are ready, I think you should contact CRUSE. Here is a link: http://www.cruse.org.uk/index.html

I hope someone is looking after you and is there for you.


beatlefan
Hi Birtybear,
I'm so sorry you have to deal with the loss of your mum at such a young age.
Birtybear, there is no such thing as a right way or a wrong way to grieve. Grief is personal, and each of us has to deal with it in our own way. I'm also sorry to hear that you don't have a father around at this time.
Birtybear, there are 5 stages associated with the grieving process. The stages are denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. We don't all go through all of the stages, and we don't all take each stage at the same pace. The first stage, denial, is a kind of shock. It keeps us from feeling all of the grief full force, and all at once. You're only 15, losing your mum, and not having a dad to go to, not only do you have the loss of your mum in your life, but you may also need to adjust to things like new living arrangements, or you may have to move and start a new school, who are you living with now that your mom has passed on? Will this be a permanent, or temporary situation on the way to somewhere else? I'm guessing that your whole life is probably changing quite a lot because your mum passed on. It's a lot to absorb. It's ok if you can't bring yourself to cry right now, and it's ok if you are having trouble remembering some things right now. It doesn't mean you didn't love her, clearly you did, or you wouldn't be asking this right now. But it's a lot to absorb, and it will take some time to sink in, and you still have to go on with your life. When the time is right, you will get a chance to get some time to yourself, and bring it all out to look at. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to go about it a certain way. Maybe one of these days you can sit down and make a scrap book and start to remember her and everything she means to you. If and when you cry, it will be because you are ready to feel it and let it go, until then, be good to yourself....


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