Why can't I grieve?

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Amy M	First, my condolences on the loss of your mother. People grieve in vastly different ways. In fact, the same individual can experience grief differently at different times in his/her life. I reacted in a vastly different manner to the deaths of different people who I loved very much. I have experienced both an immediate grief reaction and a delayed one due to shock. The immediate reaction was the unexpected death of my father, and the delayed one followed the death of my grandfather after a very extended illness. I'm telling you all this to say that there is no "right" way to experience grief. The fact that you're even asking this question indicates that you're not a heartless individual. If you were without heart, it wouldn't botheryou that you couldn't grieve. It wouldn't surprise me if you discover that you are in shock right now. Your emotions will more than likely catch up to you in time. Three weeks can seem like a long time, but it's really not a tremendous amount of time to still be reeling from the shock of the loss of your mother. If at all possible, consult with a grief counselor or a member of the clergy. I wish you all the best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

stonybearwinter	I am sorry that your mother died; you clearly loved her--and still love her--very deeply. In fact, the intense grief that you are experiencing is often termed numbness and denial. Your mind is, in a sense, protecting itself from the intense pain. You love her so much that if you were to feel the full impact of losing her at this moment without numbing out, it would be unbearable for you. This is very normal and very common. Numbness can be thought of as a blanket that wraps around your immediate grief. This is why you are, at the present moment, unable to form a mental picture of her in your mind. This is very normal. Rest assured, you will be able to again some day when you have gone through the grief--and probably before then. The first phase of grief is numbing and denial: this protects you from pain. My advice is this: if you can find your way to a hospice grief group, this might be very helpful for you. There are groups for children, adolescents, adults--and the person that died does not have to have died of cancer for you to attend. Call your local Hospice and see if they have a group. The benefit of a social support group can be very helpful. You are not alone and right now you need 3-D in person support to be able to talk about what you are experiencing when you are ready. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. And there is no set time limit, either. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. I wish you well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ъяowη эyэđ giяl	I am so sorry to hear that about your mother. But you will grieve in your own time. Its just that we all grieve in very different ways some are able to cope with things differently than others are. I lost someone who was the most important person to me 7yrs ago i won't say who. And i found it hard to cope with at first in fact i actually claimed that people were lying to me i refused to believe it at first. Grief works in all kinds of different ways and sometimes its hard to actually believe that the death of an important love one has actually happened. You can e-mail me if you would like to chat. Take Care xxx You will grieve in your own time and believe me you are not heartless at all never think about yourself like that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

terry	My deepest sympathy tp you. You will grieve in time.Your mind and body probably still cannot take it in Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ElectronProbabilityCloud	Grief is a strange thing. You're probably still numb at the moment but it'll work itself out. Don't worry yourself about it, your head is just dealing with it in its own way. It can take a while. Its not necessary to try and force it, theres no right or wrong reaction to a bereavement. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bremner8	You are already grieving. The fact that your emotions seem to have changed indicates this. All of us have different ways of grieving. What matters is that you know you loved your mother and that you always will. Your grieving will carry on in a different way as time goes by. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NIGEL R	no your not heartless, some people grieve in different ways it just takes time . Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

charyl92678	I'm sorry for your loss. It may take a little while longer, but something will happen (a smell that brings up a memory, a song, a picture, etc...) that will click off in your brain and it will hit you all at once (instead of dragged out over several weeks). Just the fact you are concerned means you are not heartless. Perhaps you feel her spirit with you as well, and it does not feel yet like you've really lost her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Geordiegirl	Time.............it will come but no two people grieve the same something will happen and you will want to see her or speak to her and it will come. you will grieve but dont feel guilty if you dont straight away you will still be in shock Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MadforMAC	I am so sorry for your loss. No you are certainly not a heartless person, you are just most likely to truly grieve and really let it out. It is normal for people to go through this sometimes. Often you can just give yourself permission to feel what you do and the grieving will come. Don't be afraid of it, it is healthy to get it out. Holding it in is not good for you. I suggest going easy on yourself and taking some time by yourself to just sit and think about your mom, what she meant to you, the good times, funny and fun times, things like that. Know too that she is in a very good place now, with God, without pain and suffering. She is happy in His loving arms. If you feel going to a counselor and talking about it would help, I do suggest that. Often, a counselor will draw out what may be holding you back and then you will be free to greive. Take care. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dreamcatcher8993	I think you just dont want to deal with it right now. Give yourself some time. It may actually be a TRIBUTE to your mom on how she raised you as a strong, stable, independant person. I lost my mom, and after a long illness and all the worry, it was like she had just gone away for awhile. Although she was one of my best friends.....It is now been 10 years, and I miss her ALOT more now because there is so much I wish I could share with her and beleive me..........TIME will make you miss her and grieve for her more later. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

auntb93again	Grieving takes many forms. When My Steve died, at first I'd feel guilty every time I laughed or smiled. I cried, but not much after the first 24 hours. I even admit I felt some relief, because he had been so unhappy for such a long time before he committed suicide. I think if someone had been very sick and in a great deal of pain before they died, that relief would also be there, although you might not feel so guilty about it as I did. That you have not cried is not that surprising for a man. A lot of men simply have trained themselves not to cry, and would not really gain any relief from it. But don't go calling yourself heartless or feel there is something wrong with you. It is natural to do this sort of self-examination after losing a loved one. And also to imagine that others are thinking of you as heartless. In fact, they are probably admiring your stoicism and fortitude. You'll cry if it helps, some night when you are alone and the realization that no, she's not coming back and no, you will never see her again, hits you for some reason. And if you never cry on the outside, I'm betting you will cry in your dreams. Because however much you may be relieved that she no longer suffers, you are motherless now, and you are allowed to cry for your loss. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mollster	I think you may be in denial. Kind of like, if you don't cry, then her death isn't real yet. Once you shed a tear, then you've accepted the fact that she is really gone forever. I did the same with my grandfather. Upon news of his death, I was shocked, and did not cry even at his funeral. Weeks later at work, an image of him during Christmas' past, with his Santa hat on, sack over his shoulder, struck me suddenly out of the blue. I broke down and sobbed for a very long time. This will happen with you, too. You are not heartless. You will grieve when you are ready. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

glgl	you've probably numbed it out as it's too painful. or maybe deep down you know; when we die our spirits never die, we just go to another world which is a much nicer place. She's probaly smiling dwon on you from heaven & is happy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

battosai1994	when the only thing that understood me at the time (my dog) died by wandering off in -20 degree weather I could cry or do anything for weeks, maybe it was months and then one night I cried for 15 minutes and after that I was fine. sometimes it takes awhile for it to sink in. give it time and you'll show your sorrow when your minds ready. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

The Oak	Everyone responds to major traumas in different ways. There are no right and wrongs. Follow your heart and you will find your own way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

leese	I,m really sorry bout your mum. I can,t say i understand cos i can,t imagine what it,s like to lose your mum. My cousin lost his mum not long ago and he was exactly the same. He would,nt cry and just carried on as normal. We were all worried bout him nut when we asked him he said he was ok and that was his way with dealing with it. He has cried since and really broke down sometimes. Your not heartless at all and i,m no expert but i,d say that it,s probably not hit you properly yet. But it will do they,ll be sometime or somewhere and it,ll happen. Whatever you do don,t put a brave face on for everyone else,s benefit, if you need to cry do it, no matter where you are or who your with. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

vegetable soup	we all grieve in different ways, hon. you might be a bit in shock, still...but i'm sure you're grieving. sorry about your mum. x Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

GRANDMA	i believe that you are greiving, but you are still stuck in the middle waiting,wanting her to come through the door saying hello love..., one day it will come to you that she isnt going to walk through the door......You will cry, we all do. Am sorry for your loss, it will get a lot harder before it starts to heal. My hears lies with you...... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

smiley	The same thing happened to me when my mother in law died suddenly. I was in shock and could barely function for a while. I think the emotional pain went beyond crying. Now I can picture what she looked like, the pain lessens when enough time goes by. You are not a heartless person. I know you loved her very much. The first year is the hardest. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bingba n	Denise and Reb and them are right; you're not heartless at all, just the opposite. It took me a long time, and then the tears streamed down. You're OK. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

garfield	your in shock don't push it it will come in time and when your least expect it, like washing dishes or just watching TV. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nealo d	I'm sorry for your loss. Bereavement can be a long process, and it's different for different people. You will get to the grief when you are ready; don't feel bad about it. You loved your mum- you still do. You miss her, so a big part of you is not ready to believe that she's gone. That emotional denial is actually recognized as the first step of the grieving process- I certainly remember going through it when my father died, and at other times when I have lost people close to me. Just give yourself time, and don't compare yourself with how you think you should feel, or what others appear to be feeling- we're all different. It was ten years before I could properly picture my dad, weeks bfore I could cry, months before I stopped expecting him to walk through the door. You'll deal in your own way and in your own time, ok? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

oop139gg	Do you have to ? In time you shall know why Life is a challenge Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freedspirit	I have lost both parents and a son, in addition to 2 grandmothers, and a best friend. Right now you're still in shock. It's still "unreal". . . your brain is still wrapping itself around the fact that you're mother is gone. Really gone. Something like this takes a couple of months just to sink in . . . I mean really sink in . . . and it sometimes takes years to fully grieve. What you are feeling is completely normal . . . you are absolutely NOT a heartless individual . . . you are grieving, you just don't realize it. Please remember there is no right way to grieve. It's personal. Best of luck to you and many blessings. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

R	12 yrs ago ,my father died. I was experiencing alot of the same feelings. I'm sure shock played some part in it, but i came to realize that some people handle things differently.I was brought up to be strong and if i had lost it, in some way, i thought i would have been letting him down. I have found it easier to incorporate small things into my routines, things he did, or said. to keep his memory alive. no one else notices these things--but it makes me smile when i do them. I like to think he smiles too. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

glamour04111	It is emotional trauma. you are still in shock. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

xian	You're still numb from the pain of losing her. Give yourself time to reach the point where you can let your feelings out, and feel your pain. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

IMAGINARY SKY FAIRY	mine died august and i started mid december.somthing will set you off a smell, a sound or music, when you least expect it and it will be in an inapropriate place. i was in a cafe and i just broke down,i didnt hide it and i was sobing VERY loudley and i didnt care who was watching. once it starts you will wish it never had. lots of love to you xxx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Denise	You will grieve in time, you're probably still in shock and the brain cushions the blow till you are ready to deal with it, You are certainly not heartless. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

angie	The grieving process is very complex and can create many different reactions in people. Don't be to hard on yourself and just try and go with the flow. Try to accept how you feel each day and do not try to over analyze it. Grief has a natural progression but it materializes in different ways and at different times for everyone. When my son died I was as cool as a cucumber for about 4 weeks. Then i was a total hysterical mess for 2 years. My Husband on the other hand was a total mess for about 6 weeks then he seemed to just bounce back. Part of my grief was that I hated the fact that he was not grieving when I was, i thought he did not care. When my Nan died (last year , whom i was very close to ) I was expecting to full apart. Surprisingly I coped extremely well with her death and accepted it a lot easier than i thought I would. I was extremely surprised as were friends and family who were all on stand by also expecting me to fall aprt. You have had a shock and need to give yourself some TLC. I am very sorry to learn of your loss and will keep you in my thoughts and Prayers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No