Problems making friends?

i'm 14 and i have hardly any friends. i've always been very shy and i have low self esteem. i have no best friend. when i do go out with friends, (which is rarely), i'm happy when i...

i'm 14 and i have hardly any friends. i've always been very shy and i have low self esteem. i have no best friend. when i do go out with friends, (which is rarely), i'm happy when i'm out but when i come home i start mentally kicking myself for all the dumb things i say and awkward silences etc, and how i'm not able to be myself around other people, so it's always very depressing and embaressing for me the day after. what can i do to fix this? (i'm already in counselling)
school is quite horrible. i hate the people in my year. they are shallow and loud and stupid and a bunch of ignorant bullies. these two boys in my class get most of the bullying and most people don't even look at me because i'm so quiet, but then they see me as a pushover.
people are always telling me that i need friends and to join clubs etc but when i do i just sit there like a mute too scared to talk in case ppl think i'm weird..but then they think that anyway.
please help! thanks in advance

goin.back.2bed¦-}	You have had lots of good advice.... How about you invite a couple of people you feel a little connection to for a sleep over? You'll find that your not weird at all and they may have had similar experiences as you...awkwardness, lacking in confidence etc. You obviously are not lacking in intelligence and appear much more mature for your age than most....build on that. Lastly hun....I can still talk a lot of twaddle at times, and berate myself, but now I just laugh it off!!! If you can laugh at yourself hun, people will laugh with you and know that you don't take yourself too seriously! X

cenwordlifehbk	You seem like a nice girl. Be patient. Just be yourself and if you never make friends you can feel happy knowing that you did not change for anyone else. If you make friends....great. If you don't....great. Be happy and treat people the way you'd like to be treated. You will be fine:)

Voluble	There are two ways I can think of to resolve this problem. The first is to ask yourself what you need friends for? Try listing all the reasons, and then see what you can do on your own which is equivalent. The second way, is to look around you and see other people in the same boat. Then ask yourself, why don't I make friends with that person. If you can answer that question honestly, then you will see why you are in the same boat. Change the way you behave in order to attract friends, and you will have the opposite problem of having too many friends. Sometimes, life is easier when friends do not exist. You will have problems when you have friends as well! I find that imaginary friends are much more cooperative...

X...Blonde Girl in Disguise...X	Awwww. Your not wierd :) It doesn't matter if u have ahrdly any friends because the ones you do have you treat realy spesically and they know what a lovly person you are. I know its easier said then done but try not to dwelve into what people think about you. The guys that are bullying you haven't grwon up. See if you can speak to a teacher about that and get remoeved from that class into a seperate one. Or just start talkin to someone near you or realy concentrate to your work if they start. But seriously speak to someone. Speak to your mum to. They always want whats best for you. Tell her to go up your school and fight your case. It works if you keep pestering your school That way they listen. You dont have to join clubs. If your uncomforatble being in large groups of people then dont put yourself in that position instead, when in your group try to join in more in conversations with 1 or 2 people you dont genrally talk to. If you say something dumb laugh it off. Crack a joke about it. Laughter is the best way to get rid of an awarkward conversation. And try not to think when talking to new people "Do they like me? What I just said was stupid" Just be yourself and realx. It took me Ages to be realy outgoing I was shy and bullied. But I began to stop thinking what people thought of me and when talking to someone I didn't talk to normally I would just smile at them. It shows your a friendly person. Good Luck Im sure you will do fine :D:D

*BOUDICA !!!! () () ()**	i was like you at 14 very shy and withdrawn im still quiet but as i got older i have made a couple of very special friends i dont feel the need for loads of close friends just those special couple. mail me if you ever want a chat..... i was 14 once xx

WendyAC lovin' Sean Cassidy	I know what you mean. I had the same problem @14. I was going through adolescence @ 14 & I hardly had any friends. At school all the girls were Bros fans & I was a London Boys fan & no one wanted to know me. I stuck to my guns & was dertermined I wasnt going to be the same like everyone else. Actually being on Yahoo! answers is a good start. Because you can make friends here. As far as joining clubs I dont think there is many of them about. But believe me ..YOU ARE NOT WEIRD!!!

MAMATEE	I know hw hard it is for u, but my short ans for that problem of urs is that u should always smile to people. If u can't talk to meet friends to talking, u can't join a club cos ur so shy but u should not be too shy to smile to people!. try and say Hi to d people u lyk to meet everyday. though this procedure might take a little bit long but by following it, u will get rid of ur shy nature and increase the level of your meeting friend in a decent way.

phil	you sound nice just be yourself, and dont take no notice of fools.

Elsie	I hated people who said this to me when I was 14.. but it does get better.. I have aspergers and so it was even harder for me to make friends and make conversation than other quiet people.. but as I've got older and gained more experience in life I've met more and more people and had more and more to talk about. don't feel bad for making mistakes- theyre just mistakes.. its over it wont happen again and its how we learn- your actually taking somethig away from the situation. what i've learnt is it only takes being friends to one person to gain a whole group- cos you tend to get all their friends when you make friends with them and they introduce you to new people. don't worry about it too much- most people in high school arent worth knowing anyhow and looking back- im quite glad i wasn't part of them.

Darke Angel	Not every person is socially adept. I'm sure not and still manage to enjoy myself on the rare occasion that I socialize. Most people mistake shyness for snobbishness. Being social if one is not can be difficult. It seems to take practice, like acquiring a taste for certain foods. Take your time finding friends who have similar interests as yours. The same can be said for clubs or social groups. Sometimes church can be a good place to meet people. Most are on their best behavior there. Try Sunday school where there is more interaction. Being a good listener and taking your time before speaking is more important than feeling the need to comment on every conversation. Think of those in your grade as just people. Everyone struggles with something. If you enjoy peace and quiet but still want to get out, go to the library or museums. If you like to read, join a book club. Try not to feel pressured into pleasing everyone else...please yourself first. Determine what you like and seek opportunities that provide it.

Dani C	That is a really good question! I am sorry i dont have an answer but just by admiting this to people you dont even know, that is a step closer to being more outgoing. Dont try to impress people. Also dont change for them. You should not care what peiople think of you because if they think bad they are not worth it. Also, if you get rude answers to this question, dont pay attention. You seem very nice so I am sure you can make friends. Good Luck! :)

Reddbone	you can do anything once you have confidence so things will seem clear when you love who you are and when you love who you are you wont care what people think about you and when you dont care you will be comfortable to be your self but the best advise i can give you is just to do you and when people dont like what your doing just say f*** em < yea i know its a little harsh but i used to be like you and when i stopped caring about what others thought of me i was alot happier and i started attracting alot of new friends and i made people confortable around me and i noe you can do the same so i say good luck!!

Barry H	Don't worry darling, Your just 14, although that's old enough, your whole life is ahead of you. What they say is true, the teen years are the hardest. I hope that you remain free from emotional scarring like a terrible relationship or any mental challenge. But God's love is alwasy close by. You can do anything he empowers you to do. Lean on your family if you can. Love and best wishes. Barry H

tinkerbell34	I am a lot older than you but I am very shy. I have joined things that I like doing and if no one talks to me at least I have the activity. If you see anyone who does not talk to any one go and introduce yourself. It may be best to find someone who understands you firstly. Good luck.

theleedsgirl	Dont worry. Just sit it out. Once you finish school you won't have to see any of those people again anyway. Find activities where the people at them don't go to your school. Look further afield from the area where you live. You can join in them and nobody will have any preconceived ideas about you. Try a group with slightly older people as they may just take you under their wing and be slightly more mature. Just believe in yourself. As long as you can rely on yourself that is all that matters. Surely you have family too? I promise you that in ten years time you will have grown and changed. Things that seem so crucial when you are young seem unimportant as you grow up. Kids can be cruel.

cutiesweetie	Hun, i think you seem like a very likeable person and i wonder why people don't make friends with you. well like you said you keep quiet when you are amongst people. i am fairly quiet when I'm amongst people too and I'm over 20 so i don't think its solely due to age. you are not weird just unique in a certain way like everyone else in different ways. what do you enjoy doing most? spend more time with your family and please don't kick yourself for things you say. if the way you've relayed your message is how you talk normally then i believe you make much more sense and can make better conversation than many people I've met! enjoy life in your own way and take care of yourself.

Bum Gravy.	Look, I'm mid 40's and I still kick myself for opening my mouth. I chew over what I said, and the effects my actions might have on those around me. You know what? No one cares because no one thinks as much as you or me. Carry on doing what you do, it will be good enough for anyone. You've got the strength to ask this question, that's more than most people. To thine own self be true......................

In flu3nce	Your worrying too much about alot of circumstance which are not within your power. Who cares what people think of you? Chances are, you don't think to highly of them for judging you in the first place. Many great people have done things that cut against the grain, most of the time without popular approval. Just be the person you invision outside of highschool in another three or four years. It will mature your personality quicker to carry out your school studies seriously. If you are bullied or made fun of, find yourself more constructive ways to fight back. Even pretending like it dosen't bother you can be better than giving in to the feeling these people are tyring to induce. Just don't show fear, and don't back down no matter how much bigger or more intelligent your opponent may be. Individuality often has the upper hand on conformity, and boldness rarely gos unrecognized. If you hold yourself with the right respect, and show people that you cannot be bothered by their opinions, people will in turn respect you more, and you might even find yourself more socialized as well. As far as friends go, they are people who come into your life whenever they do. You cannot force friendship, just as you cannot force a relationship. When you find a real friend, they are gauranteed to be there for life. Your family can sometimes be your best friends even. Ofcoarse, nothing is possible if you do not speak up! You need to talk in order to be part of the world around you. Otherwise you have no chance of finding what it is that makes you happy. So say something! Next time or anytime you have an opinion. Don't be scarred of repercussion, because it is only the moment that you will ever have the chance to change the matters at hand.

babygurlwitattitude209	I use to have that same problem. I just think that you need to speak up for yourself and push yourself to talk more. try to join clubs that interest you and join in in more conversatios. it's all up to you. if you really wnat to make friends jsut try to. Speak up!!!

dogzchasecatz	Don't worry about it, I am the same, at school because I'm so quiet when the teacher is handing out papers she always walks past me and then say's, sorry i keep forgetting your there. Having no friends doesnt mean that people think your wierd when they look at you, they will look at you more if you do sit in a silent corner. I went to a phycologist to talk about making friends too, and it turns out the best thing to do is take controll of the situation, make yourself know, talk to people, I have no confidence either and tend to only speak when spoken to. Even at school if someone drops there book or needs a hand handing things out, help them that will soon break the ice and then people will feel better about talking to you, because after all, a silent person is a mysterious person, "dark horse" as they say so prove to them your so much better. Honestly be yourself but have a attitude in your head when wanting to face and talk to people this will push you into a convo. Sorry if it seems I dunno what im saying, im in your shoes and its hard to explain every little detail, but tackle people you feel act, think in the ways you do, if there is a shy person in the room, talk to them you will both gain in confidence, so take care and be a socalite XD

clubber20_06	Omg, you are so like me. When i was younger i was always bullied.. Because of stupid things too. Bullies are stupid though! And most bullies are bullies for a reason, once you grow up, they will probably be very nice, most of them only do it to impress their freinds.. Sad i know, but thisis life and it happens. I grew up with very little friends because of this, i have very low esteem because of it too. I think too much about people liking me, and i feel awkward if someone takes a dislike to me, i like everyone to like me now. If i fall out with someone i get very upset,. I am very shy, and am too embarrassed to do things that people my age do, like dance , etc. because i think everyone is watching, and laughing at me,. Its hard to overcome. When i left school, i went straight to work, not because i wanted to, because i wanted to get out of school. Anyway, i started working, and made new friends, who take me who i am . They are very nice. I started going out with them and meeting new people. I even met this one lad, that i felt so comfortable around, until he cheated on me, which made me go back into this shy phase, because it now takes me a long time to trust someone. My current boyfriend is great, i trust him fully. Anyway, my point is, try and forget them. They are not worth being friends with. The people that do get on with you, stick with them, if they like you, they will not mind if you are a little quiet. If they are true friends they will let you be part of their life. Try and meet more people, there are very nice people out there.

Gabe	If they think you're weird anyway, what's the worst you can say? Always bring up coversations about things you like and things you think they would like. Topics about music and pop culture always work. You're probably not alone and there are probably kids just like you. If you would get over your shyness and and get rid of that low self esteem, you'd have lots of friends. I am at the top of my class, and never really had a lot of friends. But one day, and decided that my schoolwork wasnt everything and started hanging out with some kids at school. I go out every weekend now and have a lot of friends, and am still ranked 3rd in my class. What you think is weird about you may be cool to some kids.

littstrawberry	i was outgoing but it was to cover up insecurities and actually shyness i would also beat myself up after every event about what i said or how i acted. i still do . i've found from friends i went to school with (i'm old now) that they loved me. many have told me how much fun they had with me. and i was thinking i was an idiot. maybe i was, but a fun one.i thought so many people could not stand me until i wanted to hide a few years ago . i helped everyone , i was in everything but this mouth of mine . oooh ! one night i had an awful accident, i'll never be the same. there were so many people at the ER ,the others there thought some movie star was in there . it was just little ol me , big mouth, country hick, me. i had a steady stream of visitors. cards came from all over the world not just usa, the world, people came to my home , gave us money ,to much to tell, they took care of my family, and i thought they all hated me . so that just goes to show you ,well it goes to show you, something. try to stop killing your fun by running yourself down to yourself. if it seemed like people enjoyed it they most likely did. even if i felt like i wasn't right to do the job, somebody had to and i would take a chance of screwing up and being a fool. it made people care about me. some were to scared to help or whatever the case was . i was too , but like i said somebody had to.. help anyone at anytime.! do anything you desire if you would feel ok if someone did or said to you what you do or say then it's fine. you know , do unto others. even if you may end up looking like an idiot, you may not, you may be a hereo. most likely you'll just be a good friend . but now days those are hard to find . if someone looks like they need a friend, you do take a chance of geting blowed off but you may help them . which is best? i think i'd rather get blowed off sometimes and help some than doing neither for fear.what's the very worst thing that's going to happen if you say something stupid? not usually as bad as it is when someone should say something and doesn't . you never know how people feel ,what they need , but fun , kind words, cuttin up, everyone can use some i think. ( ifeel just awful about all i just wrote) i do . i'm nuts a fool , you may be . but you may be a hereo

Rain Nicole S	I know exactly how you feel, except right now, I'm feeling really depressed, worthless, and I just want to die. Uhggg I hate life.

NutstersChick	do what i did at your age, join a martial arts class. explain to the instructor your feelings & the lack of self-esteem. try judo, karate, ju jitsu or whatever you fancy. it will improve your confidence & encourage any bullies to pass you by moving on to an easier target.

Feist	Okay I'm around the same age as you and I am friends with everyone in my grade, and I know EVERYONE at my school. I am also a really quiet person. all you need to do is find one really good friend and then start being a lot more outgoing at school and class. You can invite people to your house (always helps) or throw a parrty or go to parties for people to notice you. It's okay to be shy, but put yourslef out there and maybe sit with some people at a table and gossip or talk about a funny story or something. But also you have to stop thinking of your classmates as ignorant people because you really have to look like you want to be there and you're a cool person to hang out with it's not you, it's just your quietness. if you hang out and it's quiet it's the same as you not being there. hope this helps, i'd be glad to offer more advice :)

SD CHARGERS	You're just trying too hard! Just be yourself and open up a little bit. If you're friendly and affable, you shouldn't have any problems making friends. So just relax, try not to think of impressing other people so much.

Genghis K	im 15. you might have social phobia. i have the same problem. i hate going out to the mall and i only have a few friends. well all the best i hope you help yourself out. Love Brian.

Lawrence	Life gets better as you get older. It sounds corny but it's true. Hang in there!

mrdaher	you should just see a lonely person , doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl go and sit to himher and talk together, or you can invite someone you know likes you as a friend to have dinner with him , or you can sit next to someone in your school bus and talk to him, then invite him. i'm sure you'll get a friend and do not get many , trust me 1 true friend is better than 100 ordinary others

Rick J	You sound like a wonderfull person, just be you and don't take yourself to task after each encounter with others. We all do it, they do it, be you and be happy. Good Luck