Tish
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Start small. Find one person you can really open up and talk to.
Realize that people are not as judgmental as you think.
Don't worry so much about what people think about you.
Be yourself... you are a good, smart person.
Have some confidence.
If this problem persists, see a doctor, you could have a social anxiety disorder. There are drugs that can help you.
Good Luck.
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jerseyvioletlx
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You might want to consult a physician or psychiatrist. It may be some type of anxiety disorder, especially since you say you feel uncomfortable even around friends and family.
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JodiBaby
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You can do some things privately to help facilitate you in an increased confidence. Very simple,
1. Make a list of 15 things you like about yourself and you can ask family or friends to help you with this. Keep it to one or two words. Example, "I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm help full etc..."
2. Make a list of 15 positive attributes you would like to have.
3. Every morning stand in the mirror and verbally say the list to yourself. It seems silly but people around you will notice a difference rather quickly. you will become what you say you will .
It works!!!Good luck
Care and Bless
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happyg
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Hi. Try not to think about your discomfort. Focus on whatever the person is saying to you - and if necessary don't look them directly in the eye - watch their mouth and occasionally look at their eyes so they know you're paying attention. I found myself doing the same thing, and now I just make a point of not thinking about me or how I may be coming across to the other person. Try and just relax a bit more. (This advice is based on you being an honest person, if the conversations you're having are making you uncomfortable and cause you to fib - then that's a whole other issue.) Good luck and chin up!
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R J
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you must practice eye contact...pick females you find attractive...look at them and wait for them to look back-when they DO you MUST hold your gaze until they look away-they WILL look away...keep this up until you feel more confident.
Eye contact is the best way to establish DOMINANCE in a first meeting. After you feel you can acheieve this then it's time to start practicing TALKING...you can do it.
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barbiesworldinsc
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maybe a phobia . Talk to a counselor .
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rainsparrow
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eyes are beautiful. its like looking into someone soul....and what is fun is giving them strange looks...just for fun. Or stare at them so intently they have to turn away due to the power of your gaze.
..its not bad looking into other people's eyes. Yes it can be kinda scary. I believe I understand your reason for being antimidated. In my own personal diagnosis: you are afraid to let people inside, to know the real you, you have a secret and you don't want to share, you are afraid of your own weaknesses..or ashamed. To help you you first have to love yourself, accept yourself, understand that you can't be everyone's expectation of perfection. You are a human being....(I think its a fair assumption).. as humans we all have our problems.
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kttmfr
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My boyfriend has this problem and it is causing me much frustration b/c I don't always understand. I try to, but my reasoning is this: I think that many people feel the way you do and the way my boyfriend does, but you have to tell yourself everytime "make eye contact, hold his/her gaze, make them look away first." I think that your facial expressions are the dead give away to the "uncomfortableness" that is felt by your friends and family. Practice smiling even when you don't want to. People are not going to do anything to you that you can't handle. People are cynical, people are rude, people have their own frustrations that they are dealing with that make them appear to come across as upset. If you are this shy in conversation, you should try asking the other person something about themselves. It will get the person to talk about a subject that he knows a lot about. Or you can give the person a compliment. I do this all the time, and it makes a person feel good. It also restores the persons faith in human kindness. Practice these things when it doesn't matter. Like, go to the mall and try to make eye contact with a complete stranger and then smile. You don't ever have to see the person again, however, if they remember you their first impression will be "Oh, he smiled at me when I saw him here." If you stay cooped up in your safe little world you will miss out on wonderful people all out in the big scary world.
It also helps if you remind yourself that you are strong, beautiful, and confident. Say it looking in the mirror. Now, say it with me, "I am strong!!!! I am beautiful!!!!! I am confident!!!!!!!!
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volleyball55morrow
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I have the same problem. Mine came from years of abuse when small. Just take small steps try to look sometimes it gets easier, then again it seems hard. I guess we may just have to live with it.
I'D SUGGEST YOU THINK BACK ON YOUR PAST TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU ARE AFRAID OF
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Angel Mass
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You must be a Pisces
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janmarbol
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you shall overcome
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Amy
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You should talk to a therapist. He or she could give you advice based more specifically on your situation.
If you feel that it's not a good solution, then try looking for positive reactions from the people you communicate with. Humans tend to remember all of the negative reactions received from people. Make direct eye contact with someone (even if it's hard) and smile. Chances are they'll smile back and you won't see anything unfriendly in their face. Remember that and not anything you view as negative.
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bluesun
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i'm dealing with this too. it may stem from lack of self esteem. check out this site more-selfesteem.com. i would advise you to go out more. that's the only way to break this cycle. try socialanxietysupport.com. you should not be shy. you are beautiful cuz God made you like that. He sees you as strong. sometimes i forget my strengths and focus on my weaknesses. list 10 things about yourself you like. try holistic-online.com and concentration.org. what helps also is walking and listening to self assuring music. acupuncture helps you to stay calm. you will overcome and i believe i will too with love and patience.
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MADDY
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try to forget your surroundings, and build confidence in yourselves.
no one is greater than you. remember. you are the unique personality which no one would have... buildd confidence.
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Mrs J
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It sounds like you may have Social Anxiety
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Swetha
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Participate in Group Discussions.Keep talking to friends
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crystal h
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i do the same thing except i have good days and bad days with it
i get really nervous i got the pills called hyland nerves tonic
the work really well for me i think the problem is anxiety
you can
get them at walmart on the vitamin aisle for a little less than 5.00
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amish_tech_wizard
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Take an acting class
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Grist
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Don't try too hard - it's not all that important. Look at them while you talk and then glance away as if thinking while they talk. it will seem to be an idiosyncrasy of yours and not appear offensive or odd. Actually you will note that many actors who are naturally shy use similar techniques. Think of yourself as secretly acting while you are talking to others..
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Laura B
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well most people can tell by your body language that u r uncomfortable.....you r almost 30 and should be over the awkward stage. just have fun and let life take its course.
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raajz
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go spend some time with a counsellor - mingle with people - talk free with men n women - mingle with neighbours - meet more people - its just a feeling -
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PegGirl
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I understand what you're saying, but eye contact is extremely important when dealing with people. Try to break yourself in slowly by 'practicing' on people that you aren't intimidated by, like a family member or a close friend. Just make eye contact for a couple of seconds at a time at first, then gradually increase the time. Not too long though, because that can get uncomfortable as well. In normal conversation, people make eye contact, then look away, make eye contact, look away. You'll get the hang of it eventually I'm sure. Good Luck!
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jude2918
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Stop struggling so hard. Focus on the other person and not on your discomfort. You can use the eye contact a few moments at a time, not constantly. At your age you will not change overnight so relax.
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closed
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Read this book " How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People" by Les Giblin.... It will really help you in every end of your life.... I promise!!!
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leavemebe_11
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If it makes you feel any better I don't socialize much at all because I'm so damn anti-social. The doctor at SSI said that she thinks I may be skitzoeffective. I love most of my friends but when it comes to visiting them I only think about it.
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ny_spork
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Screw up the courage and go see a psychiatrist. They will prescribe you Paxil or lexapro and should advise you on how to practice getting over your fear.
If they are not very helpful in the advice department (after all they are only making 300 dollars an hour) then ask them if there is a good book on the subject, especially one that includes excercises for you to complete.
Trust me that the difference in your life can be really amazing. You can completely remove these feelings from your life, almost overnight, and with practice, and understanding, may not need the medication down the road.
I was at work, miserable, not talking to anyone, no friends except the people who sat right next to me, avoiding meetings. It was awful. Then I just got sick of it and went to see the shrink. I felt extremely self-concious about it at first but as I've regained my real personality that has gone away completely. Within weeks people were calling me to go to lunch with them, I was interacting normally on the job, and being a normal, social person again. And this was really just the medication, not much "therapy" at all.
Quick example of what my former, very expensive Manhattan psychiatrist would tell me to do. He pointed out that I wasn't looking in his eyes, then we would actually practice doing it, he told me to look in the middle of the forehead at first, because people can't tell you're not looking in their eyes, but it is a little easier for people like us. He also would point out other things that I wasn't doing normally, like most people would start asking questions about another person if in conversation with them for a while, but I had barely spoken. We then practiced that. Etc. If you got a good book it would probably identify things you are doing that you don't even know about, and ways to practice overcoming them.
Most important thing is to bite the bullet and go see a psychiatrist. Also, I will say from experience that Paxil is more effective but has more side effects, lexapro is marginally less effective but has less side effects. Also, let them know how it is working out, because different medications can work differently on different people, you might prefer some other medication that is similar (there are many).
Good luck. Feel free to post follow up questions, I had to blaze my own trail with this problem so I would be happy to see someone else benefit from my insights.
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puma
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Try talking to a therapist. It helps. You might have social anxiety disorder and just need to work it out.
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Jennymary
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You could try focussing on helping people so that you would 'forget' your problem temporarily until you realise that you're absolutely OK as you are!!
You could also take some Magnesium and Inositol to help you relax.
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Jochle
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hey man find something in life that motivates you...i basically sat down a couple night and figured out what i actually cared about...not waht others think i should....and the i let everything else go and quit caring so much about it all... and it seemed to help me relax more and be less tense at times. itll come quicker and easier if your just yourself
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G. M.
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Nobody is better than you, they may have more money, however you are you. they are they
Carry your head high
Look ahead, not down, when walking.
Try talking to yourself in a mirror
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