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sam knows	Ok well start by talking to your husband and exsplain your feelings and how you feel like hes one of your kids and if he still dosent agree about leting you see and help him and if he dosent agree then i think you should do what you want you have the right to do what you please so go for it.And about the stuff that was in his pants talk to him about tell him you dont allow it that you dont let your kids do it so your not going to let him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

laurie	Help your son!! and if your husband dont like it tuff!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lalaland...123	this boy obviously doesn't have any other adult who is concerned enough for him, than you. i think 14 years old is way to young to be kicked out, but what he's doing right now is actually no good for the family. speak to this boy and let him know the consequences of his actions. if he doesn't stop whatever he's doing, let him know that there are possibilities that he would be sent away if he doesn't stop. he's only 14 and it's never too late for him to learn. but he needs guidance. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mightymite1957	This child is in pain, and he's probably using the pot to self medicate. I would not give up on him. You need to give him the guidelines, the rules of your home, make sure that he knows that no drugs are allowed into the house. I understand your husband's point of view too, he's afraid that this child will influence your children, and that perhaps you are spending too much time worrying about him. I think that a family counselor would probably help your situation. You can possibly set it up where this boy could be included in the sessions. Call and find out. Good luck to you all. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

scafool	the kid is playing you, he thinks that he can get away with whatever he wishes and if he gets caught that he will be forgiven and can continue to have it all his way. what message does this send to your kids, both if you punish them and not him or even if you do not punish him and are not able to discipline yours because it would not be fair because you do not punish or enforce rules with him. when your own kids comes home with pockets full of not just weed but other far more dangerous and deadly stuff and you try to correct them what answer can you have when they say to you that it was all OK for so and so, so why is it not OK for them.wake up, family first, if the kids mother will not deal with him then yes it is good to try to do good but is it right to sacrifice your own kids and your marriage for the chance to raise someone elses kid, I think that the answer is no. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SweetCherry	You have an obligation to keep your "own" kids safe. You have an obligation to be your husband,too.But that child needs somebody.If not you, who? The mother is obviously not an option.Are there other members of his family around? You need to sit down and really talk to your husband about how much this means to you.Maybe,together you can find a more viable option, such as other relatives he has.I understand your love for this child.Love him enough to find him the best possible place to be cared for properly,with the resources and training there to give this child the best chance at life. God bless people like you...more people need to care about these children. Every day,I see more and more children wandering streets.Uncaring people here call them "street rats". Some people say it`s another sign of our times....I say it`s a time of the signs. From my heart to yours.....God bless you. : ) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

elroyfudpucker	There is a point when no help is the best help you can give. Are you there? I cannot say. The key is whenever a person in your life is causing the disruption of all of the rest of your life, what do you choose? Would you let him distroy it all? I can assure you IT WILL HAPPEN. There I have been. Decide what your principles are and stick to them. PERIOD. You may be trying to help a hurting shark. It will still eat you. If you want to help this child because he needs so much help, then get some substantial help doing it like counseling or group therapy or it will easily overcome you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bhagyanath	choose your family over the boy Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Odie	I don't know what to tell about your husband, but i can tell you that if the good Friends i have would have given up n me i would not be where i am now, i was 19 when i met them, the wife was a school teacher, any ways because of them and everything they did for me and them not judging me, but just trying to be Friends and ignoring me being a dumb@$$ and there is a lot more to that story, but they didn't give up on me and they both are like parents to me and i am very very glad that our paths crossed and i hope that i will one day have an impact on some ones life like they had on mine, but i don't think i will ever be able to have that much of an impact. i am 35 now and if i had met a 19 year old version of myself, i don't think i could dill with them even though i have been there, any ways my point is they had alto to do with my life being changed around, and they are still very very good Friends, and i wouldn't have it any other way, i think if it weren't for them i would either be dead or in jail. so if you are making an impact of the kids life you are doing something i hope to be doing in the future. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

single mom	You help him cause evidently no one else will! We don"t want him dead on the street somewhere,all alone! I would never put my child out on the street at that age, maybe a boot camp or something to help him grow up and learn,not die! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mrklcoac2002	talk to your husband ands see if he is willing to attend (family) therapy since you think of this boy as your own, and you and your husband both need to tell this boy how you feel finding this stuff .and then tell him if he intends to live with you then their ruls he MUST follow . Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

boy_jam_arch	more could be said Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Izzy	Don't ever give up on him Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dustyrose4656	FIRST IT IS SO NICE OF YOU TO BE SO CONCERNED ABOUT THIS CHILD BUT I BELIEVE THAT THERE` IS A GOOD CHANCE THAT HE MAY INFLUENCE YOUR CHILDREN TO BE LIKE HE IS YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT THEM FIRST AND THINK ABOUT HOW HIS BEHAVIOR MAY EFFECT THEM CHILDREN ARE VERY EASILY LED BY THEIR PEERS GOOD LUCK TO YOU Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

svetlana	What specifically did you find? Drugs? Porn? Both you and your husband have to understand that part of growing up is being experimental (remember when you were that age) but at the same time you as friends can help to protect him from entering into something dangerous. If it's drugs, sit down with him and have a heart to heart, not as a parental figure saying NO NO DON"T DO THAT KID but as a friend saying this is bad for you and here's the reasons why. Also ask your own children about this child's behavior and what they think of it, and how his 'bad' behavior is making you feel and how it is making your husband so upset. They can absorb these feelings and pass them on to the child as well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

twoodshair	are you sure he is adhd? i was told about a book ( and i hate that ) about indigo children. it peeked my curiosity so i took a ride to borders book store to check it out ( read it in the store ) . i bought 2 copies of 2 different books because i learned so much. ( gave one copy to my sister and one to a client and they both loved them ) the book tells about how kids will thrive inside boundaries and with choices. and how like people gravitate towards like people. even if it's just to go read the book in the store, please go. or at least check it out on the web/net. PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF THIS KID'S SANITY. he will also learn a lot about himself. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

hanpol95	Take em in to your house ....ignore whatever the hell your husband says....you will be happy &your kids will be happy.thats all that matters Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

hatingmsn	what is your question. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grandm	You already know the answer, but seem to want approval from us! Follow your conscience! There may very well be something else going on with your husband! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lotsalovetanya	WOW This is so heartbreaking.I'm sure it's hard for all of you-even your hubby.I think his seeming stubborn immaturity is truly just fear for your family and what this child may cause them to learn.Chances are if he has established a trustworthy pattern with you that his heart is in the right place.Try to respect his choice AS IF he were returning the same courtesy to become one step closer to a resolution together. I'd check with county agencies,churches,school counselor etc.This child needs an intervention that will bring about change.As hard as this may be to hear,possibly outsiders can more accurately assess his needs as there is no emotional attachment.You could be involved this way outside of your own home to impact his life,and remove the threat to your children as far as what they may learn and the tension they hear between you and your spouse. Also,consider this-the tough love of removing him from your home may not serve an immediate purpose,but later in life he will ALWAYS remember what it is you stood for and bring him back around to that reality that he has to face. See if your school has a PINS program:"Persons in Need of Supervision"where the child is monitored by the school,and sometimes a probation officer to make correct choices. Good Luck and please keep us updated!!!!!!!!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mocurley1	Wow, were does one start with this situation. With out asking I am going to assume that you have do nothing to make your husband distrust you. It sounds like he is looking for a way out and the boy is the vehicle. If he is not looking for a way out then there are only two words for him GROW UP. As for you to continue to help this boy it is admirable. However with the addition of the now growing chemical dependency he will need more help than you can provide. He will not intentionally but will hurt you in one of many different ways. He may steal your money or other belongings to fund the problem. True this may not be his nature but in a unnatural state of mind it will happen. He needs counseling as well as the friendship and love that you can give him. Also be aware that yourself and your children may be in danger of incurring bodily harm. Not the young mans nature but drugs do some really nasty things to really good people. May the angels be with all of you. You are definitely good person for trying to help my hats off to you. Please be care full Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tzstylin	here's what i would tell my husband: if you don't want to discuss this like adults then go ahead and leave. don't come back. you will be served with desertion papers and i will take everything you currently own and 1/2 of what you will acquire without me. if you do want to discuss this like adults then i expect you to get your head out of your *ss and speak with your mouth. don't let me smell sh!t, either, or you will be gone. this is a child. i do expect my husband of 13 years to be more of an adult than he. you also need to listen to him about his concerns; being in a home with a girl only 1 year younger, and not related, might be asking for trouble. he also might not like the fact that your kids , because of their ages , are exceptionally vulnerable to the things going on around them. i do agree that you probably do have an INDIGO CHILD here. he also needs to realize that every action has opposite but equal reaction. drugs are not allowed in your home and he needs to know that there will be consequences. it has to be hard on this kid with his dad dying and his mom (probably) not giving a sh!t about him. you and pot are all he has. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Golden Ivy	That is amazing, I am so glad you are so caring and loving! Yes you should continue to help him and what your husband is doing is wrong and UN human. You should talk to him about it and help this boy, ignore your husband and perhaps think about a solution for him. GOOD LUCK! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

i_am_the_suzy_q	Your hubby has issues.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nickie	Can't you get this child and put him in a foster home or group home for troubled teens just so u know in your heart that he is safe and not roming the streets cause you need to stand by your husband just tell your husband if just this one last time you could help this child by placing in a home just so he dont end up dead or somthing and if he can't take that then maybe it's better that a selfish man like hisself should not be with a good women like you God Bless You honey the world needs morepeople like you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

misty p	Pray. And you need to ask your husband what he is losing by helping this child. On the other hand, if this boy is bringing drugs into your home there are legal repercussions that need to be addressed. You are a good person for trying to make a difference in this child's life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

davidjudyrices	I feel so sad for you, and I would be doing exactly what you are doing. The old saying it takes a village to raise a child is so true. We have become a society that throws children away because they are not prefect. Could you please tell me who is? We didn't have all the options to get into trouble like these kids do. We had moms that stayed home, Dads that had time for vacations and everyone played a important part in the family scene. Now there is most of the time only one parent, no supervision not even at school and lots of drugs to replace that lost family feeling. Is this the kids fault? The absent mother's fault? Who pays for that lost,thrown away child? The answer I believe is the village, and if that village is one family or one person that has the chance to help a child and that is you we all Thank-you at least I do. You've heard I'am sure that a rescued animal makes the best pet, well that goes for kids to. Think about it, I believe he is worth it and I think your Husband needs to open his eyes and think what if on his own children. Don't ever say never!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mysticalflyingsquirrel	well now, aren't you in a helluva position. first off it's a damned shame your hubby is being such a big baby about all of this. maybe he already feels left out of stuff at home and this was the straw that broke the camels back. furthermore do you really want your kids exposed to what this kid is doing, 14 and 15 year olds are very impressionable and may think what this kid is doing is "cool" . I know this kid needs help bad but at the expense of it ruining YOUR family? from what you say your hubby already has taken in your 2 sons from a previous relationship/s. how much is too much to ask of a man? who knows. but at least he is letting you know how he feels and how strongly he feels about it. I feel really bad for this kid cuz he will probably end up in the juvenile legal system before long but he needs professional help already if he is smoking pot and running the streets doing whatever else. Hun I can't give you a concrete answer cuz so much is at stake for everyone involved. Best of luck to you all. I hope I gave you enough to think about to help you make the right choice. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kookie M	You are right to not give up on him. Especially if you are the only one who is there for him. He needs you now more than ever. If your husband acts like this with this boy what were to happen if ( God forbid) one of your boys started acting up? Are u not supposed to help them. It is amazing how people can judge a 14 yr old who knows nothing more than what his elders have taught him. Please stand by him, now and always. He needs a guiding hand. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

hornychiken	your man is a fool, just for the "doesnt want to come in second" comment, no more needs to be said Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mikemadie	He is a child, this is just his way of crying out for help. You can't leave him stranded. I don't know if I am feeling this way, because I try to help everybody, but your husband needs to understand he is a child and if he does not get the help now, he will be in and out of jail for the rest of his life. Your husband should be willing to sit down and discuss an agenda, what you can and can't do, how long he is there, if he sleeps there or not. All these things need to be agreed on by both of you. Please don't let this little boy slip away, it could kill him. dp Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No