I have a very bad temper, how can i calm down?

Show all answers

Post your answer

jules	hi without giving out advice and sounding like a know it all you need to go back to the doctors and they can reasses your medication i have the same problems i am on medication Prozac and this helps. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tinkerbell34	I am sorry you have this problem. Unfortunately the problem is getting in the way of getting you treatment. Is it criticism that makes you angry? Please be aware that everyone gets criticised sometimes, it is not just you! May be you could focus on accepting criticism and learning from it instead of getting angry. Yes, try anger management. See any attendance as positive, and if you do not get through the course go again and aim to stay for longer. How about writing a letter to your Doctor apologising for walking out and explaining you really want help f or your anger? Don't worry about what she thinks though, I am sure she has seen worse! You could show her your questions on this site as they speak volumes! Another thing you could try is counselling. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Carly	Do you know, there's a reality TV show about this, too. It's called Temper Your Temper, and they basically whip you into shape Supernanny style. Basically, the premise is this... 1. Remember what your temper is doing to yourself and your family. Try to stay calm for them. 2. Eat healthily, exercise, etc. 3. When you feel like losing your temper take deep breaths, count to ten, walk away if you have to, etc. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

opsaop	What is going on in your life? What is it that is still un-resolved? Ask yourself that question and you must be 100% honest with your self. SOMETHING is the root of your evil. You have to find out what it is, and work on it. Pain staking work to resolve this issue, what ever it is. If you find something in your life that you dont want to deal with, that is the thing that is probably the issue to deal with. I hope you dont drink alcohol too. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Insomniac	Sounds like you have realised there is a problem. Watch Becker to see how a blunt, fiery temper just makes you look like an immature a$$ all the time. Calm down, you're very insignificant in the grand scheme of life. We all are. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ajeesh Kumar	Alprazolam SR 0.25mg + Escitalopram 10mg in the morning. Stop Alprazolam after 6 weeks. Best wishes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

munchie	same as me go to Dr remember they seen all this before so understand you do need to go in for anger management Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

shygal17_99	I know it may be difficult for you but you should go to your doctor's office and apologise. You will feel better and I'm sure she has also had bad experiences. You are human after all. Don't worry she will forgive you. You need to tell her your problems because she is there to help you. Tell her that sometimes you can't control your anger. I know it's difficult to control your anger. This is what I also have a problem with sometimes. When you start getting angry, sit down if you are standing, lie down if you are sitting. If there is cold water around you drink it. Wash your face. It'll cool you down. Try meditating and learning to relax. Start exercising, it'll direct your energy away from your anger and your start feeling fit and better about yourself. Most importantly, this is not going to be easy but don't give up hope. If you need to talk, you can contact me. Take care of yourself. You are a good person! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

angelvic_83	Turn your life over to Jesus. I too am by nature a very hot tempered person and even since I have become a Christian I find I slip back into old habits at times in regards to my temper. But when I am truly trusting the Lord to meet all my needs (which fortunately is the majority of the time) I find my thinking is renewed and I dont react angrily to things I do when I am feeling discouraged with life rather than remembering that He is in control. Email me if you want to know more. Also I recommend you read 'Run, Baby, Run' by Nicky Cruz. He was the angriest most violent person you could ever meet until he met Jesus. Its an amazing book, even the most devout athiests I have given it too have loved it. You won't be able to put it down. God bless. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kei ,	The first step is admitting you have a problem and it is also the hardest step. Try writting down everything you are going through, what has led to these things and how these things make you feel. By doing this it should help you to see where your anger originates from so that you work on dealing with it appropriately. Also it would be a good to write her an appology so that you are able to explain things fully to her. Don't keep anger inside as it builds into an uncontrolable state. Keep trying to go to councillors, etc.as they are objective and do not condemn and will help you work through this time. Good luck and God Bless You. Remember you have done the hardest and most important step already. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

derfek2005	i am going to see your previous question till then you go and appologise that doctor Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

honker	When I was a kid, I had an old uncle (70ish) which had Qty. 9 great Danes dogs. Everybody in our family circle had to make a comment, negative vs. positive. I'm in my fifties now, but he had shared something to me back then. He told me, people get short tempered naturally due to the aging process of life. To combat it, he said to have pets, they teach you to love and have patience all the time. I today have Qty. 6 Pippillon dogs and Qty. 8 Saimise cats. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

auntb93again	A lot of kids your age (I'm assuming your teens or early 20s) get pretty messed up as they try to figure out what sort of adult they are supposed to be. It is some intersection of what you want and what is possible, and if you don't really know very much about either of those categories, it can get complicated. You start lashing out at anyone who seems to be pressuring you to choose when you don't even know half what you need to know about what your choices are. Because people always have choices, and usually more than they can see for themselves. That's why it's so good to have someone you can trust to talk over serious things, because they will have a more objective view, and can offer useful suggestions that had not occurred to you were an option. When I got in this situation (one very, very like it, anyway) when I was young, I was lucky enough to have a counselor who figured me out. I was living in a college town at the time, and the counselor pointed out that I was obviously green with envy over my friends who were students, getting the opportunity to learn all sorts of things that interested me, and having way better chances for a job one can actually like doing as a result of their education. I admitted it was so. "So," the counselor said, "why don't you go take the SAT tests and apply for admission?" I was floored. Until that moment, it had not occurred to me it was possible. But it was. The finger that clicks the "l" and the ";" wears a ring that says BA, University of Michigan, 1974. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Alice S	Here is a good article from the APA: We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger. What is Anger? The Nature of Anger Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. Expressing Anger The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt." Anger Management The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions. Are You Too Angry? There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion. Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?" Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay Relaxation Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. Some simple steps you can try: Breathe deeply, from your Diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut." Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation. Cognitive Restructuring Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. Problem Solving Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away. Better Communication Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one. Using Humor "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them! When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh. Changing Your Environment Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments. Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train. Do You Need Counseling? If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used. What About Assertiveness Training? It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations. Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Marlene	I find smiling works. Whenever yuou feel like you are going to loose it, smile, even if it just for you and there is nobody else there. This releases chemicals in your body which will help you calm down quicker and makes you feel better. Plus after a while people you know will get confused by your new way of handling things and you really will be calmer though humour. Good luck! . Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Hellbound	i think the best thing 2 do would be 2 take deap breaths when u feal andgry an think befor u do somthing it seems 2 work for my m8 Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sallydumdum	hello first ask yourself why and wats making me like this , when you have answered these , me thinks you are half way there, to you bad tempers , then go for a walk that will do the trik , you are so lucky to be alive cos you do not get asecond chance i no mate cos i had a heart attack died and brought back , so get your bloody finger out and say ,glad to be alive you have the choice i and millions have not THINK AND DIGEST THIS MESSAGE OK !!!!!!!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dodgey Jon	I go rock climbing, so i can take my anger out on myself. Dont go to the doctors, go to a shrink to find out where all this anger came from. Listen to calming songs, ie; Easy , Commordores. ETC. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bluebell	go to the chemist or supermarket and get some kalms or natracalms they are herbal and will calm you down after about a week then go to see your doctor, again with an apology and talk to her, or a few days before you go write her a letter of apology, that should smooth things over, you need to get sorted it won't go away on its own, good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

saralouise_uk2002	go to a anger mangement class, Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

?	Take an anger managment course. Helped me, but only after I beat the tar out of the instructor. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

saorsie	i too have it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Clyde Banks	smoke some weed Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tinytinkster	go back and appologise and tell her what is wrong with you she will prescibe you something. also in supermarkets and chemists they sell pills called kalms try these they may help Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Hikanuroshi	1)Count one to ten 2)Find a jigsaw puzzle to solve 3)If its really kill you then try to avoid by thinking a joke or something. 4)Seek the doctor once again and before that take a deep breath and ready to say sorry! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*Emm♥	apolagise ASAP! try counting to ten when you feel your self building up and start over. maybe try counciling or talk to some one who has been through the same things as you. Keeep your freinds close and they will always be there to suport you. good luck xxxxxx Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Great Legislator	Life can be very frustrating. Especially today, with all the End of the World, Gloom and Doom. We are not allowed to show anger in our society. Mostly because other people fear we might hurt them when we get angry. So we have to keep it in until we blow up. One way of relieving stress is to exercise till you get exhausted a couple times a week. They tell us when we get angry, to take a deep breath. That is wrong. We have to breathe in, and blow it out. You might try meditation. Just concentrate on your deep breathing and try not to think of anything. You can also say some words that you can make up on your own. Like, "I am calm, and relaxed." Do your breathing, and repeat those words. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

TallBlackies21	Calm down dont let your anger controll you take a deep breath then stop then think and do. You got to have self control so stop think and do. stop think and do : ) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

pappu	try to love people . when you get angry just go out of that place and go to a person who might cheer you up Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

pinkbabi	You should try meditation or yoga. And yes probably anger management, also try getting a new hobbie that is calming, fishing, walking, running etc. Good luck mate Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No