I'm worried about my daughter and don't know how to help her.?

My teenage daughter is withdrawn, has phobias about ordinary things and is depressed. She has been for about five years. I've been to counsellors with her, 2 psychiatrists, and our family doctor....

My teenage daughter is withdrawn, has phobias about ordinary things and is depressed. She has been for about five years. I've been to counsellors with her, 2 psychiatrists, and our family doctor. They want her to try antidepressants. She did but quit because she said it didn't help. She thinks she's hideously ugly but she isn't at all. She's been covering her head for three years because she hates her forehead. Believe me I've tried everything and now I'm throwing this open to you, the wonderful public. Please give me some advice. How can I get her to feel good about herself and have a social life. She hasn't been to school for three years. She does correspondence courses at home. She is very smart, but believes she's stupid. She's never been abused at home, but claims people outside the home have told her repeatedly that she's ugly. Believe me when I say I can't force her to do anything. I'm worried that she will have no future.
Additional Details
Thanks for so many great answers. She is seventeen. We live in Canada and I can't have her committed here without her consent unless she's actually tried to harm herself. She tells me she hasn't. Hospital care is free here so cost isn't a problem. Her consent is, though. We spend a lot of time together, and she recognizes her problems, just doesn't know what to do about them. Whenever I take her clothing shopping she takes two or three hours but can't find anything she likes. She has a lot of trouble making any decisions. She has one friend she sees occasionally. She refuses any further counselling from anyone. She was on Zolaft for four months. I thought it helped but she didn't. I will check out some of the websites suggested in the answers below. Thankyou. I haven't chosen a best answer yet because I'm getting so many good ones it will take time. You are a very caring community!

Belindita	I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. It seems that, without medication, she will not be able to get out of this depression. She probably quit medications before they started to kick in. But maybe if you take baby steps with her you will be able to gently make her go back to her meds. Is there anybody she trusts? Maybe a pastor in her church that could talk to her? Are there any groups that you could gently push her to join, like a church group, or some sport, anything? Again, these would be baby steps. Would she enjoy joining a class, like a foreign language class? Since she's smart, maybe you can challenge her to do this? Find out what interests she has and go on from there. To start, take her to a salon for a haircut that would flatter her features, even if it's expensive. Maybe one with bangs to cover her forehead? Well, I hope these ideas help a little! God bless you both.

Count to Zero	I believe that the drugs (ie. Prozac) are helpful for depressed people, but they have sick side effects. For example, it will kill your libido for quite some time. If she refuses to take them, what else can help? If your daughter is a teen, depression is very common. My advice is seek outside help, from counselors and friends in the form of an intervention. Good Luck.

I ♥ Kurt Cobain	Maybe you should take her to a physciatrist(i'm not sure if i spelled that right) and believe me it will do her good, my best friend was really ill, she was the same way, and her mother took her to the place and she started feeling really better about her self, trust me. if your daughter ask, just tell her that it will make her happy again and everything will be alright, if you do decide to, then make sure your daughter tells them all her problems or else it won't work. good luck

canary	My advise is to commit her to treatment before she turns 18, if she hasn't already. She truly needs help to overcome whatever syndrome this is. She wll have no future without treatment.

hartshorntracy	sounds like some trauma has happened to her,are u sure she hasn't been abused.or some thing like it?

EdmondDoc	You really need to get her professional help. But... perhaps the internet can help bring her out of her shell. Maybe get her to carefully go to some chat rooms, maybe even have her here on Yahoo Answers so she can see that she can participate and even help some other people. (Of course you need to be very careful because many people on the net can be cruel.) Perhaps you and she can chat or answer questions together. So it may be a way to ease her back into society.

Jet	She needs to be committed/ You've done all you can do. She'll come back around someday.

i'msolucky!	it sounds like she has body dysmorphic disorder...i may have spelled it wrong...read up on it on some internet sites and see if that might be contributing to the cause of her symptoms

pshdsa	Kids can be very cruel. The fact she doesn't go to school verifies that she has had some very bad experiences there. Bad enough to cause all this withdrawal from society. Not good Mom. You ache for your daughter and want her to snap out if this. Obviously she believes what those cruel students said to her. It doesn't matter how false the cruel words were; she believes them. It was very painful and crushing. She may have been the victim of one person, hard to tell. The damage was done. Now she is seething with anger; she feels totally inadequate and manifests that in rebellion, withdrawal and noncooperation. Counseling will be no good unless the counselor grows the relationship carefully, respecting her boundaries. The goal of such a counselor is to get her to TALK, and to talk about her experiences. Then trust is developed. That is the kind of counseling she needs. So I suggest a woman counselor. Woman are more intuitive. Not all, so you have to be intuitive yourself. If you get these vibes that a counselor is not your cup of tea, keep searching until you find one that you like. Your daughter needs counseling from someone who understands and is wanting your daughter to be healed. She doesn't need a counselor who watches the clock, is impatient and aloof with a wall full of credentials. You, Mom, will have to search. Call friends. Make phone calls. Keep this confidential from your daughter at this stage. I find when a person quests for truth, it someone appears. There is no quick fix here. It is important that your daughter meets a counselor she trusts and can open up with. Your daughter could be a candidate for suicide. We want to get her into effective counseling as soon as possible. I suspect she has stopped taking care of herself. She needs intervention of the kind variety, like, right now. Interview the counselors and only go with one you feel is right for your daughter.

philbertpheinstein	She must have some interest, help her develop it. Get her doing something useful that can lead to income, like eBay, the stock market, or poker. Buy her some books on the subject. Each of those can be done at home and some people can be very successful at them. Get her some nice clothes.

Dirtt	Concur with DSLCobra. Not all psychiatrists are created equal. Don't bother with a psychologist.(sorry if I offend). The reason is that she should have her blood monitored to check for a chemical imbalance. Even if you have to go outside of your neighborhood - or state - to do it research it very well. Aloha

miami	Talk to her often and find out what causing her all this

Nails 4 breakfast,tacks 4 snacks	How old is she?Most girls think there ugly,stupid,ect....Antidepressant is known to make people commit suicide.Maybe if you had mother/daughter day once a month that may help.and let her know your there for her,no matter what.

Sara	If she hate it becasue she thinks she had a long forehead so do I and got bangs it helps, Other than that I think your child needs friend to help her feel better all teens go through things like this and deprssion meds dont help, and dont let them put her on Effexor XR that what they put me on and I got worse. Tell her it will get better and dont give up on her please, god bless.

angelsforanimals	Wow, It seems to me that you have a somewhat typical teenager. That is for the most part. This is such a hard age. I remember it well. I didnt want to listen to my parents or anyone else. I thought that I was fat even though I only weighed 112 pounds. God help me if I ever got a pimple because I envisioned that it had taken over my entire face. I would be very worried about my daughter if I were you though because the anti social behavior is a problem. I have a daughter that is the same age and I would do a few things. First I would do things with her even if it is forced, like go to the mall to window shop, or out for an ice-cream. I would use this one on one time with her to bond with her and give her the comfort of knowing that mom is there no matter what. Kids in school could be so mean and cruel and I have to wonder if something didnt happen in school to make her withdraw so bad. I also have to wonder if the medication was helping her but because she was on the inside looking out she just couldnt see it. I know my daughter went through a smaller phase of this so we started going to the stylist together, getting nails done, make-up done, new hair styles and would then go out for a girls night out. I live in a small town so that meant pizza and bowling. During this time my daughter found a good group of friends and she wanted me around less and less. That was a good thing. She still shares everything with me and she knows that I am there for her, but I am not going to let depression and her eating disorder win over me. I was determined and my determination is what won my daughter back for me. I kow that you say you cant force her but you are the mother you have to stand up to her and save her. Are the phobias really phobias or is she playing up to her mom? Is she looking for attention? I have also noticed that teenagers can be very munipulating so I would first rule out if she was playing games with you. I would then ask her to write out everything bad that she feels about herself and then have her write out everything good. Matter of a fact why doesnt evceryone in your family do this about her. Look at everything that she has written that was bad and disprove all of it, or praise her for acknowledging her problems. Then set out a plan of action to help her. Take baby steps. Good Luck. Sometimes it just takes growing up and maturing to make it all better.

dslcobra	SOunds like she is suffering from a persecution complex. If I were you I'd bolt the medicine cabinets and get her some psychiatric help. You may be looking at a possible suicide risk.

DAN H	She may have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which has some symptoms in common with depression and anxiety (or she may have any/all of these). Look for a licensed mental health professional (psychologist, counselor) with experience treating teenagers with "eating disorders"- because of the overlap between the disorders. She may need psychiatric medication to address the depression and anxiety. Monitor her for potential of self-harm, and make sure she has no access to weapons/pills, etc. Good luck!

Andrew P	This is a VERY tuff Situation. First I commend you on your love for your child. Wish my parents took this kinda of active interest in me! While drugs do help they are not the end all. I am currently on 40mg of Celexa and I can say it has helped. what it did for me was it changed my body image issues I had. they also do other things. so i could recomend that. You could also try doing a Make over day with your daughter. Ask her what she thinks will make her look better and spend a day at a spa and maybe new cloths. Spending time with her. Also Suggest some homopathic things. Like Hynpoisis or Acupunture both are great as mood elevators. anyways GOOD luck!

Brit	She could potentialy be reacting to a rape, or similar trauma. Take her to therapy and let her talk to the therapist alone. Try a woman therapist, she might be comfotable that way. She can't heal alone.

blkangel1	From what you've described here it could possibly be sexual assault of some type. Survivors many times have a poor self image after an attack and will say and do whatever they can to make themselves feel less desirable or less noticed. Did something happen to her about 5 years ago? Had she been more happy before that time? If there was a marked change in her at that time I would try to find out what the cause was. Counseling is still the best bet at the present time even though it didn't work in the past, finding the right therapist is sometimes trial and error. Counselors have different styles and she needs to find one she can feel comfortable with. I wish you and your daughter the best, I hope you'll continue communicating to let us know how things are going.

Llammas	This is a rough situation. If you haven't already, I would suggest taking her to a counselor or therapist and letting her sit through the sessions on her own. If something is bothering or has happened to a teenage girl, the last person she would want to talk about it with is her mother. It may take several sessions before she'll open up about anything, and she'll probably have to feel comfortable enough with her counselor/therapist to feel confident that anything she says won't find its way back to you or anyone else. It may also be wise to talk to your daughter about any potential triggers for her behavior. Abuse can occur just as easily out of the home as in, and it sounds as though there's a possibility your daughter has experienced something traumatic and is trying to hide from it. It's a longshot, but I hope this helps.

Jorge S	well have her compared to others, who are physically, emotionaly, and economically less tahn her, so she feels better about herself. if this does not work.... r u christian? cuz that also helps and will probably help alot more than anything else. try to find a church near u (Christian)

JIM R	This is the hardest question I have ever seen. I offer this: Perhaps Hypnosis,I know you can not force her to do anything but there are tapes that can be played during sleep that may help I have heard them advertised on the DR. lora show on kfi am 640 radio.Also consult Dr. Lora ,she is an expert in this field and there is no cost for advise. You can write a letter,e-mail or fax All My Best Wishes & Prayers

groovusy	That's a very tough one! The best thing you should continue to do is show her that you believe in her. When and where you can, make that belief tangible for her, because from what I read she needs positive things/ideas she can hold on to or reflect on. Which doesn't mean that you should pamper her overly. Stay critical too because from what I read also, she has trouble taking any sort of criticism, though if you tune it finely she will take it from you and it might open her eyes a bit to the bigger and harder world outside. For yourself and for her sake, let go of your worries when and where you can. If you show her that you believe in her it automatically means that there is less room for worries and doubts. Best of luck to the both of you.

stillamazed	It sounds like stinkin thinkin from satan, yes Ive seen it a million times in teens. Get that girl some Jesus!

Miss Taryn	Well its probably true that the kids made fun of her to a point where she feels extremely self conscious. This happens to many kids (indcluding myself) in middle and high school. Kids in school are rude, and disrespectful and don't know what damage they are doing by calling people names. Maybe you should take your daughter to a "beautification day" take her to the hair salon(tell them about how she dislikes her forehead and they can give her a cool cut to camoflauge it), get her makeup done, and maybe nails or something. Help her to feel beautiful and see herself looking this beautiful. She has a very fragile sense of self and maybe she needs some ego stroking. Next time she seems to feel proud of herself, make the most of it, and reward her richly.

Krystal H	Well, speaking from some experiance, she may just be a loner along with everything else. she'll probably come out of her shell in a couple of years with the no social life thing, but she just needs to have her self consence lifted alot, and she needs to try other meds, because it's true, not all of them work on everyone. i've been on more meds that i can count that just didnt work. and sometimes they work for a while and just quit working. it's an ongoing thing. =)

Angie H	I don't know that anyone can offer any other assistance to you as it seems that you have tried the most obvious solutions to try and help your daughter. The only thing I can say is from personal experience that sometimes it takes a long time for a doctor to find the right anti-depressant and some can take up to 6 weeks before you start to feel any positive effects although unfortunately the negative side effects are felt almost instantly leading many people to think they don't help. Along with anti-depressants, there are anti-anxiety medication which can help with some of the phobias that she has developed. There is also a therapy called EMDR which as I understand it, can help replace negative thoughts/feelings with more positive ones without having to delve too deeply into things that are too painful or traumatic to recall. You can find out more by going to www.emdr.com but even if this looks like a hopeful possibility for your daughter it is something she will ultimately have to want to participate in as with any treatment, prescribed or otherwise so all I can do is wish you the best of luck and hope that you can find the help necessary for you daughter to live a happy and successful life.

catwymn	This poor girl sounds alot like I did. I was verbally abused at home, told constantly that I was stupid. I believed it for years until I hit college and found out how smart I was. I also thought I was ugly. I was always taller than everyone, was flatchested till I was 16, had glasses bigger than my face, braces, and VERY curly hair that frizzed. It took me getting contacts, my braces coming off and going to a professional stylist in NYC to learn how to tame my hair. It took me MANY years to get over it, but I really worry about your daughter. Certain antidepressants might help her. I'm wondering what she's tried already. It's really nice to see a kind and compassionate parent who truly cares about her child. Believe me when I say that's important. I think she can benefit from one more opinion. How about a psychologist or a social worker? Either one might be able to see something the other people haven't. It seems like she needs a friendly boost of self-esteem. Does she have any friends? Does she socialize outside the house since she's not in school? These things are important. Perhaps she feels a bit shut in? My only advice to you is to continue being there for her. Good luck, I hope it works out for you!

hanumistee	i dont know you but from my experience, most kids act like this because their parents dont give them the proper attention for years and years, and then all of a sudden, the parents dont understand why their kids are acting like this.. start making your child a high priority every day, not just when she acts bad. every day. sorry to be so mean, but its really sad that we only give our kids attention when they act bad.