I'm so depressed i want to die?

about 4 weeks ago i cut my wrist i spoke to a shrink it did help for a while but im starting to feel like i want to die again im 40 yrs old a heroin addict ( in treatment) waiting to go into rehab but yet i cant get the feeling out of my head im also home less living any doorsteap i can find last night i got moved on 4 times by the police and little things like that get me down i just cant get myself out of this slump what the hell can i do please help me if you can thanks for all you time...
Additional Details
all you folks out there who want to know how im on this site well i attend a drop in centre for addicts and we have internet access and do computor lessons as well as other things just one or two things to improve ourselfs so all you folks out there who think i talk bullshi@ i hope this answer is of satisfaction for you (smackheads) are not all idiots this one ist for one also first off all to get a job you need a home to get a home you need income to get income you need id as most homeless people will tell you id is a big problem for us i hopr this settles a few things for you oh yes the manchester library also has free internet access ...

Yvonne	Life is priceless, do not take away ur own life easily. Ur mom risked her life to give birth to u, to give u life, please do not make her sad by killing what ur parents' precious child.

tell meeeeee	I know what it's like being homeless, the council don't help you unless you're a "priority" case, that is being a child or having a child, if you're not one of those, it's damn near impossible to get into even a hostel. what you can do, and the police should have told you about this, is to go to an emergency shelter, they set them up in churches or community shelters, look at shelter.com if that doesn't help, you could always find "god" and go live in a monestary. As for dying, I don't think you do want to die, i think that you're saying that because you think it's the only way to get peoples attention if you really wanted to die then you would've done it already and not ask our opinions. But look on the bright side, if you don't really wan't to die, you still have some hope inside you.

Copper	Is there nobody you can go and stay with? Friends, relatives? If not, there are charities out there. Try ringing the Samaritans. They might be able to help you. Don't give up. You need to get off heroin, then maybe you will start to see life in perspective again.

daria	You need to present yourself at your local authority as homeless. the more back up you have from your doctor the better. Get your doctor to refer you to a mental health team who can provide you with a support worker, who can assist you in your daily life. Go to the drop in centres near you for drug dependants, and they will give you advice and support. It is there if you want it. Ring the free phone advice lines for drug dependants. You have access to the net, get online and find the help. Just doing that will keep you active and not concentrating on your predicament. Good luck .

Lilleyput	Ricky perhaps that's your problem Time and too much of it. Have you tried getting out and about. Yes I know when you are feeling really shixxy it takes a lot of effort to get out there. Perhaps your shrink can put in contact with your local Community Psychiatric Nurse who could introduce you to groups in you area who have been through what you are experiencing...it does help. I was given heavy doses of Morphine when after back surgery resulting in depression so I understand what you are going through. Ricky you are the only one who can pull yourself up by the boots laces so you will have to make the effort. I hope you are getting support from a CPN if not speak to your doctor and ask him to arrange a visit for you. All the best and stay focused and not on harming yourself. Sorry I can't be there to help in more.

mark the spark	Its a long road to recovery and your predicament made harder but keep at it , you will beat all of this. remember this quote don't let the barstewards get you down

iCrazy	Are your family or friends nearby? Try to surround yourself with people that will keep you on track and not on edge and try to occupy yourself by doing something productive. I know when I have nothing to do I start to think too much and it gets me depressed sometimes. Don't let yourself sit there and wander about with all of these suicidal thoughts, that is what time can do to you. Keep your mind out of depressing thoughts...try to stick it out until you get back into rehab. I sincerely hope you can make it. Good Luck.

shaz	for anyone to understand what your going through, has to of gone through it themselfs alot of us have and alot of us havent,...if you really want to get away from that life,you have to move on and only look forward,dont feel bad about yourself grap hold hun you can turn yourself around if you try .....good luck x

londonangel007	Cant you come to a homeless shelter something like that or a ymca ?? They maybe able to help you are you eating ok as well ?? Im 17 so you can take my advice or leave it i k ow your older but i have also self cut over 30 times i got the scares to proof it i stop by if i want to self cut expressing my anger or pain in a poem, song or even art work if i feel i want to self cut i get a ice cube and hold it in place on my arm where i wanna self cut its the same pain just without blood and the scares of get a rubber band and place it where you wanna self cut and pin it again same pain only leaving a little mark but no blood or scar. I wish i could help you i know im only 17 but im a girl who wishes she could help everyone in the world and i wish i could put you up and feed you sadly i know my fiance wouldnt like that but please dont kill yourself i belief things get better and i will prey that they do for you please email me or add me if you wish to talk further

meannoharm	hi, i am not going to preach (i think) and i am not going to tell you to that life is great. Life doesnt sound so great for you just now but i know it can get better. I dont know where you stay and what housing support you get but i do know that the current legislation says that if you are unintentionally homeless your local council MUST offer you temporary or permanent housing. That means you may not get the best of the best but it would at least be a roof over your head. I see you want to die but if thats the way you feel how much worse can you feel, the only way is up. I cant tell you what would help you because i dont know you and am not you but i would like to say you could maybe find that thinking of the opportunities or the things you can change in your life are better than thinking of the things that are wrong with your life at the moment. Think of where you have been when it was going good and is it really impossible to get there or better again. A good friend of mine was told once if he had put half the effort he had put into getting a hit into getting his life back it would be easier than he thought and belive me he would try anything to get a hit back then. He is now helping people in the situations he used to be. WHEN you get there just think of the knowlege and experience you can share with others. Life is hard and there is no manual but when we get through the hardships what treasures there are to be found. Maybe yours are just buried that bit deeper so you need to dig that bit more. I really hope you the best but the sunrise and the seashores and the people you are yet to meet in life are to spectacular to miss out on. You have the power in your life....how you gonna use it? x

Janet C	My heart goes out to you and there is nothing I can do to help you, you are stuck in a rut, and unlike many people in the same situation you are trying to get out of it, all I can do is wish you the best of luck, and pray for you keep us posted hopefully soon you will have a home & a job

angel	i would go speak to your shrink again, things are obviously not good for you now, talk it over with him/her all the best

beatch38	hang in there, email me........you are not alone, try to get thru one day at a time. Are you on Methadone? Is it available to you? I hope you don't hurt yourself, I could be you. I have some probelms. I just have been able to keep a roof over my head. (not by my own means) Withdrawal will make you feel like dying. There is life after this , you can do it.

Friendly	No!!Hold on!!There are happier times ahead i promise you!! =)

sharon b	Please hold on tight Hun i was homeless and doing things to eat that i am not proud of life will get better easy for me to say now huh no not really i suffer from manic depression now since i was 15years old i have had this illness by the grace of god i hanged on life is a lot better for me now and i promise life will get better and you will get stronger you are in my thoughts take care if you want to chat please E mail me respect shaz

Bell	call the good samaritans helpline.. 08457 90 90 90 (UK) they can help you OK. People.. maybe he's using the library's PC??? I just read your other questions.. it says your a help volunteer!!! you should know what to do.

Mom22	You need suboxone.....It is a replacement drug for opiate addicts...I am an opiate addict myself but my drug of choice was pills ( Vicodin/Oxycodone )....I am really serious you need to find a dr that is authorized to prescribe suboxone. You will finally be able to live a normal life again. My life was so messed up until I found this stuff. At my first appointment they gave me my script...( I had to be in moderate withdrawl before I could start taking them ) So I stopped taking Vicodin about 10 hours before I got my script and I was feeling like hell ran over when I got it...about 30 minutes after I took my first suboxone I felt 100% better. Please go to www.suboxone.com and use the doctor finder on the site and find a doctor in your area...You can also read all about the medicine on that site. Please do yourself a favor and at least check it out...this medicine is a life savor.

marwaaha9	hmm. try to love yourlife, life is short, look at the bright side, u r going to rehab soon, this is ur biggest oppurtonity so dont let it go , there is always a second chance in life, so take it... and there is always a hope when the sun rise, i know that what i said may seem silly, and actuually i cant feel what u r going through, im not an addict, but i have had moments whenlife seemed so dark that iwanted to kill myself, but i was afraid of losing something good that i still may have, and what i did is just trying to be a shrink and apatoent in the same time hehehe its a nice and funny game, u should try it, and the rehab will be really helpful for u to start over, Have a nice day

El Cid	Do talk to the Samaritans. They have a national phone line 08457 90 90 90, but note that it's a 0845 number and you will be charged. Maybe your local Sam have a free phone.

firegirl999	You need to speak to someone. Try seeing your shrink again. If not, email me. I'll be more than happy to talk and help you in anyway I can. Whether that would be to offer a sympathetic ear, someone to talk to or just some advice. Don't give in to suicide. Suicide is not the answer.

true happiness	I had a similar problem and tried all types of pyschiatric and medications. Either it didn't help or took too much time and patience (both I lacked). Until I received help from a spiritual group which is opened to all creeds, races etc and does not teach a new dogma but allows individuals to discover instant peace through self-realization. They teach you peaceful and detoxicated living through meditation.The organization started in India, but branches are located world-wide. In fact, in India they helped dangerous convicts discover peaceful living and changed their lives. ( Check out Tihar Prison In India) If you truely have tried everything and want to see a change in your life, please send all inquires to Divya Jyoti at djjsinquiries@hotmail.com. it could be the last thing you will ever need.

christina s	yep..go ahead... just think about all of the lives you will effect before you do anything drastic... how can anyone apoligise for the way they have treated you if your not on this earth? what will it solve?

Bearded Rusty Tater ©	Are you up for a challenge ??? From what you are saying here, you are seemingly at the end of your rope... am I right ??? What a perfect place to start anew ! This is your challenge... it's going to take everything you've got, but it's truly something to live for ! Get everything you ever wanted out of life starting now !!! Set goals and get there... no slacking, no drugs, no quitting... NO EXCUSES !!!... you can do it !!! Start off by getting a place to stay... then using will and energy, get moving on cleaning up your life, body and soul !!! If you can set goals and really apply yourself, you can make it... as drastic as it seems now, you can do it !!! We are all with you here in support... so don't let us down !!!

reddie	the depression comes from the after affects of the drugs especially when all the dope is gone. I know that it seems very hard for you right now but you have to suck it up and help yourself now. The devil is very busy and will come to us in all forms of the things we enjoy that is not by the laws of the land. i too have a problem but I take Zyphrexia and it really helps me with the Oh-Wow is me. I tell myself how mad i am at myself because i can mess up real bad. and the next day when the hunger steps in along with all the not done responsibilities you are bound to become depressed. Don't kill yourself because you don't know what your problem is and why waist all your energy by being depressed. I am a manic depressant and I take my medicine every night that way i don't have the time to think about unhappy stuff because my medication works just fine.when you become sober you will not feel depressed or suicidal because you'll be able to see your life as it really should be and could be.

worry head	I'm so sorry to hear the way yo are feeling. I know you how you feel I have been there before and its not a nice place to be. You have to keep telling yourself this wont last forever it will get better. You are probably saying to yourself life isn't worth living cause things cant get any worse. Take each day at a time and believe me things will get better. First you need t find somewhere to stay even if it is only temporary. What about a hostel or something ring the Samaritans and some local charity the Salvation Army are very good with homeless people and good listeners. Then make 2 lists what you don't like about your life and 2nd what you would like to achieve and start to tick of your list each one you achieve when you get started you will be back on top in no time. You must be a very strong person you have came of Heroin it takes a strong person to do that. BELIEVE in yourself you will get there GOOD LUCK if you need to talk you can e mail any time I'm not saying I have the answers but a problem shared an all that.....

yusra	you need someone to talk to you that is not taking your money, if you want to talk to me email me

holliedbentley	i no som ppl in same sit. email me

Pompey310106	First of all, I send you respect for getting help for your addiction, I have never been in your situation and I can only imagine how hard t is for you. Next up, whilst you have life you have hope so whatever you do don't give up on life (I know you are probably thinking it's easy for me to say). Try to look at the better things in your life - You are obviously a strong person to have gotten help, By the way your question is written you are also an intelligent person. There are so many people out there who lack these things. Do you have a drop in centre? Or a hostel that may be able to help you to find a job or accommodation? I know you said it is difficult and I completely believe you but there has to be somewhere you can go to get some support. Do you have anyone in your life you can talk to? Or who can help you find out information? Life is too short to throw away so please stay strong, I cannot guarantee it but I have a feeling that if you hang on in there through the bad times then the good times will follow. Another thing I can say is don't listen to all those ignorant people who have tried to put you down on here, they have no right to doubt you and from experience on here I know that people can be nasty but they are ignorant. Stay strong and never give up. You can do this. I am here if you need a friend. Emma

InfoSeeker	Hello Ricky. I think you can turn this around. I assume you are probably using the Internet at a library or some sort of community centre and can't believe the morons in here judging you as a liar just because you can get on the internet! Moving on...what you need is an action plan that is manageable and realistic to get you out of these problems one by one. I do not judge people because I know from my own and others' experiences that it is all too easy for a set of terrible life problems to grind you down into the pits of despair and then at your lowest point you make weak and bad decisions that bite you later. You need to focus on firstly finding yourself a stable place to live and think about the drug problem as secondary to this. As you are homeless can you get the local authority to provide housing? Even if it's in a bad area, any accommodation is better than living on the streets and it's a starting point. It sickens me to see immigrants roaming into the country willy nilly in their thousands and being housed, having put jack sht into Britain and yet our own people, many of whom, HAVE paid into the economy via taxes, are still sat on the streets - utterly ridiculous. I will share some of my previous problems to give you some context. A few years ago I had a bad RTA and ended up with a broken back. This was subsequently misdiagnosed as Multiple Sclerosis and I only found out several years later that the MS diagnosis was probably not correct. I went to rock bottom with depression and was unable to work and lost my home as well as living on many drugs to block out the pain in my back. After a long time of feeling desperate and hopeless I am slowly turning things around and I now have a job and a place to live again but still working on getting better treatment for the back problems. I only managed to get myself to this point through sheer force of will and every day having a huge battle inside my head to ignore the pain and get up and explore my options every day and don't give up. I am basically addicted/dependant to/on Morphine* (for pain) and I do believe that drug addiction is the hardest problem of all to overcome. My research has indicated that opioid addiction has a severe bad mental impact and it is this which I am currently fighting a losing battle with. Out of every problem I've ever dealt with, this opioid addiction/dependence is the hardest. When I try to stop my medications, I feel suicidal so I know what you're going through mentally with being unable to control those feelings. That is where you really need professional help. There IS hope for the future and you need to constantly battle with yourself to NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT. But break the fight down into small chunks and view it a piece at a time. If you keep looking at the bigger picture your whole situation will seem so desperately hopeless that it appears too big to fix, so remember, one step at a time. You can turn this around - if you still have your health and some fighting spirit then you CAN start again and make some goals. Don't get distracted in between and try to stay motivated towards those goals. Baby steps at first. Home first, drug rehabilitation next etc OR get into drug rehab faster and home second. Go back to your doctor also and make the point that you want and need help, possibly counselling and support over how to improve accommodation and get off the drugs. See if you can get the rehab waiting time speeded up and say it's your only hope. Try writing to your MP and the local Primary Care Trust and asking for the waiting time to be speeded up as you are in fear for your immediate mental sanity and your life. I hope this helps and the people who judge, don't let them get you down - there are plenty of people that once had good jobs, homes, everything going for them and through no fault of their own end up in desperate circumstances. It's sheer tenacity that pulls those people out and you can do this. Email me if you want to chat further.

c g	hi, you have a very moving story, its also good that you have done something about your addition, now why dont you try and get into a hostel for the homeless and get a roof over your head, that should cheer you up a bit and go and see your shrink again, if it helped once im sure it will again, good luck to you and l hope it all works out for you x.