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Health Forum    Mental Health

ColdWarrior
How would you deal with a rape when you are a man ?
I have been raped by others boys when I was a student some years ago (when I was 19...I am nearly 22 today) and I finally realize that I didn't enjoyed the last years of my life. I believed to have overcame this problem as I am now rarely scared by others people (even if I still have a problem with people I don't know) but some weeks go, I went out with a girl for the first time in years and when time came to go further with her (sorry if I shock prude & very religious people) I was unable to touch her, as I was unable to let her touch me. What would YOU do ? I know there is no magical solutions but I am seeking for a solution, something allowing me to have a even more "normal" life.
Share and Enjoy!

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tamilynn
I'm sorry for what happened to you. You sound like a wonderful person, just take it slow, and maybe explain to the girl when it get's close to being intimate with her.
You didn't do this, it's not your fault, move past it with help of friends you'll confide in, or a therapist, clergy, whatever you feel will help, and remember prayer.
Bless you.

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sarge927
Sounds like you may need professional help. No shame in that -- what happened to you was very traumatic and should never have happened in the first place. A psychiatrist would be best, but if you can't afford that or don't have health insurance you should be able to find counseling in your local area for free or for a small fee. If all else fails, you can talk to someone in a local church for free. As for the rape itself, if you're inclined to press charges you need to find out what the statute of limitations for rape is in your state. In most states it's 5 years.

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razorblade_love
Rating
Wow, I have never come across a man who has been raped. I am sorry to hear what happened to you. I am a 17 girl, I was fondeled, if that is what you would like to say, by my best friends brother. That was over 4 years ago. I know what you are going through, I still don't like to be touched by people, in fear of another incident, But, maybe you need someone to talk to, a counselor, not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. but someone who is willing to listen to what you have to say..... I am sorry I couldn't be of much more help, but take care.

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Kim
go get help deal with it now you will feel so much better after. for the sake of your future wife/husband-whatever. you want to be a person whos cup is full not half full. everyone goes through something in their life at one point that is traumatic. get it off your chest now.

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texas gal
Rating
Having been raped several times myself I know how hard it is to overcome those feelings of self worth. I think if you can separate yourself and who you are from who they made you out to be you will find an outlet. Many times in life things will happen that hurt us but if we can realize its' actual value in relation to our entire life ahead of us, it usually doesn't measure up to much. Try not to let them win. You can go on w/out feeling guilty or wrong, you are who you are and no one can change that. If you are ready to date someone then be yourself. Even if you feel that people may know; they don't, you get to start over and be the Gentle loving soul you were meant to be. Just go at your own pace w/ the right person.

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shribharatpshubh
Rating
Your experience of sex is traumatic.Your hatred is stored in your mind, This comes out when you indulge in sex now,Get an advise from Psychiatrist.These information stored in minds needs to be deleted.You may consciously feel you have overcome the problem but subconscious mind is more powerful which affects you no sooner you try to enjoy sex,with professional help you can recover.

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Shannon V
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i'm not a doctor but it sounds like you have some unresolved issues from the traumatic experience you had
it would help you so much if you talk with a rape-crisis couselor the mental health center in your town can get you in touch with the right people. it would help you so much!!! i admire your courage you have come a long way
my friend i beleve this will help you alot!! good luck!!

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JAMES
American politics are crazy.

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happydawg
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You are moving too fast for 1 thing. You need to get to know someone and develop a trusting relationship before you touch and feel and do intimate things. I dont want someone touching me if I am not on that level with them. It repulses me and makes me immediately feel like my space is being invaded and almost sick to my stomach.
You should probably seek some type of counseling and deal with your issues which can be mind blowing to people who have never experienced this type of trauma.
Good luck

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It's MEEEE!!!!
Rating
you need counseling to seek resolution you need to talk to someone about this

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mandy
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it bring tears to my eyes that you are actually admittin wat happened to you. its a good thing that you are talkin about it. plez dont listen to those other answers.

if she is a girl who you can trust tell her wat happened to you. only then she wud take it slow with you and eve help you overcome wat happened to you. only then you will hav a normal life.

you not touchin her is not the problem. its that u dunno how to liv ur life with the guilt or shame that you were raped.

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wmp55
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Therapy.

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angelruth
I believed on what people say here, that you should seek a doctor's advice to help you cope with your situation right now.
try to share to your family what has happen to you, in that way it help to ease the pain 'cause by what happen to you. No one except God can be your true confidant but your family.time will heal, you can forget evrything by the help of the Lord.I pray that God will help you... and I wish for you that someday, someone will love you and understand you , and I wish you'll live a normal life., to have family of your own.

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snafu1
Well you need to help prosecute the guys who did this to you. You must go to the police, and report them, if you know their names. Give them any information you can come up with. They have detectives who will investigate and bring them to justice. That's your first step. You are a victim, and you need to help prevent those sick freaks from doing that to any other guy. What they did was very sick. You need to have a normal life, as a normal man. You were inappropriately touched, groped, fondled, and penetrated by another man. It doesn't mean you are gay. It does mean that the guys who did it to you are gay. You need serious counseling, so you don't have this trauma with you the rest of your life. After you get over this, which will take some time, you will be able to meet a girl, fall in love, get married, and make love to her, which God intended for you to do. Godspeed!!

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llemma
Rating
I'm sorry about what happened to you. You CAN get help for the way you feel, and with time you can enjoy sex again.

Start by finding a therapist who works with survivors of sexual assault. You can ask your doctor or clergyperson, or if you would rather stay anonymous, you can call a local crisis hotline.

Your therapist might also help you find a survivors support group. Many groups exist specifically for men who have been raped. You are not alone.

In the meantime, the next time you go out with a woman, take things slow. Before you get intimate, know her well enough to at least say, "I am dealing with some issues around my sexuality and I may not always feel comfortable." (Heck, call back the first girl and tell her. She may be glad to know that she didn't offend you!)

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kray_z_blu
Most rape victims never come forward because of fear. If they don't seek for help, it makes their life harder as they have to live with fear for the rest of their lives. I suggest that you talk this out to someone you completely trust, like your parents. You also need to talk to a professional like a psychologist or therapist. When you talk to them, you will realize what will be best for you (ie: pressing charges against those men). It's best to share it to someone because that way, you can live a normal life again and have a closure on that horrible past. Good Luck!

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Mike M.
I strongly urge you to talk to a trained professional about your situation, and get the help you so seriously need. Good luck to you.

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John
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i would tell someone .. get them in truble ... or just punch/kill them on the spot

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Edward W
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I think you need to seek professional help.

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lindagreendogs
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You are normal. What happened to you was traumatic, and it may be several years before you can completely get over it. Maybe you could talk to a psychologist about these things, he or she could really help you. You are suffering post-traumatic stress disorder, any body would after the dreadful things that happened to you. Good luck, honey. It gets better. From one who knows.

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ETxYellowRose
You need to talk to a professional yes but also.......
Wait to have sex until you find someone that you truly feel comfortable with, someone you can talk to, and that is a friend as well as lover.
Explain your situation to her (if she cares about you then she will not judge) and then ask her to take things slowly with you. Step by step.
You need the emotional and the mental part of a relationship as well as just the sexual to get over something like this.

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delta s
Rating
You need therapy. If you can't afford it, go to your local mental health facility. They see client on an ability to pay scale. Hurry!

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tydlywnks
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Try talking to someone you trust: clergy, parents, sibling, friend, doctor, etc. A doctor or clergy member is my recommendation...you may need to be referred to someone to help you find the very root to the issue and deal.

I wish you the best luck with this. Please remember that you were raped, and it was NOT your fault.

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ekinwilliston
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It would probably be helpful to find a psychiatrist or psychologist in your area with whom you could work through some of these issues. Good luck.

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isaqt
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Get help sweetie

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R. F
Rating
Most men don't deal with being raped, but it is much more common than we know. After rape, it is normal to be fearful, angry, feel dirty, etc. You've gotten lots of good advice and support here. Seek help, someone you're comfortable talking to. Remember, if you keep feeling so bad about this, then they win. Beat them by growing from this awful experience.

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princess_29_71
Im sorry you got some dumb answers here (daKooldude). You need to talk to someone you can trust about it. Do you have a real close friend? You may even need to speak to a doctor about it.

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Xen
Rating
Rape is not an easy subject to deal with and its not something easily forgotten. From your reaction it is obvious that you have lingering effects because of what happened. I belive that you should seek professional help. There are many resources out there for rape victims, and while they mostly cater to women I don't think that they would ever turn away someone who has been hurt in the same way. Only by talking it through and confronting fears will you be able to have a healthy relationship with another person. I wish you the best of luck.

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forediane
Rating
Rape is a crime against the very essence of any person , man or woman.
One has a sense of vulnerability after that experience along with self shame and lots of anger and distrust.

Again rather one feels one is past the experience or not it will benefit you to seek intervention. It is never too late to go to a rape crisis center for help.

And these people who raped you, will rape again.
Many times rapist kill to keep from being identified. Count your self fortunate that you survived.

For some really good advice on how to truly let go and move on I suggest that you go to the web site www.joycemeyer.org and click on the segment beauty for ashes. It's free to view, burn, download or if you want the package it's only about $10.00. I have given as a gift to women who were raped as a child.

Good luck and 22 is still very young. Your life will improve as time goes by. Best of luck.

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Victor ious
Rating
I can not say I know what you are experiencing - although sometimes I think its better not to be sexually involved with anyone.

However, if I were to use a logical avenue for you..., take the sexual pressure off and have regular "dates" with women. If you find you're falling in love - take your time, and if the person is right for you, you can talk to her about the problem. Not all - BUT a good many women are more understanding than you think and will try and be helpful.

Sexual relations outside of marriage is not a good idea, but still you need someone with understanding in your life - even just a very close woman friend with no romantic ties. That would save you thousands of dollars with a shrink that could do no better.

You're in my prayers.

ONE LAST WORD: I knew a minister who was brutally raped when in high school. He managed to move past it and had a wonderful marriage and really great kids. God helped him a great deal.

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lighthouse_halo
I would tell you the same thing I tell my female patients. Take your time with the opposite sex. You don't have to rush in. Just enjoying dating for awhile. When you find a girl that you want to share this experience with, take your time, a lot of holding, touching, caressing and cuddling You don't have to make a home-run on the first night. When you're ready, try taking a bubble bath together with candle lights and soft music. It sets the mood. This is too important to rush in. I f you take your time, it's more likely to be a pleasant experience. That's important for your future. Good luck. If you need more help, contact me

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