How to let go a painful past????

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sharky	got believe you deserve better.......and i think anyone deserves better then that treatment.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Máire Siobhán	This was a productive relationship, in terms of your having a child that I assume you love, but it was a destructive relationship, in terms of how you and your b/f related to each other. Just reading your post, it's hard for me to fathom that someone would be in this kind of situation, but I feel something in the post that tells me this is not made up or exaggerated. I feel that you are an honest person, telling the truth. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you call a local agency that offers sliding scale fees for psychotherapy for family counseling that includes you and your son. It sounds to me like you have a lot to work through--not just the situation you had with your b/f, but whatever happened to you earlier in life that would even let you consider being in that kind of relationship, willingly. I can hear that you are in pain, and your child will absorb that pain from you. It will begin to rule both of your lives. You cannot be what he needs you to be if you are grieving, and if you are not emotionally balanced. There is help out there to assist you and your child through this and to a healthier future. Please, please call and find an affordable therapist, so you and your son can have a healthy future. It is the ultimate gift to your son, to give him an emotionally healthy mother and the chance for an emotionally balanced future, himself. I wish you all the best! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ceecee	God never gives us more to bear than he feels we are confident enough to handle. Think of just one good time and let that be your memory, then move on. Someone out there is going through the same right now. It does not mean either of you deserved it. Pamper yourself with small moments of personal attention even if its just a bubble bath or a hot cup of tea. Read about one good deed each day, smile at one person, do something positive and every day will get better. God gave us free will to make those tough choices, not to criticize us but to understand that life is far from perfect. He already knows you wish for better, think better of yourself and find an interest that gives you peace and a sense of worth. Move forward, what is behind you cannot be changed. Keep your chin up and yes it is okay to cry. Just remember to also laugh. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

luvsmusiz	first of all your question s are very confusing, you say God didn't forgive you how do you know? and second of all why would you stay with a man who lied and abused you. so what is your question really? If you truly go to God in good faith and i truth I don't see why he wouldn't forgive, he has forgiven us for alot of sins, worse than yours. Look deep in your heart. pray and look to God for your answers, not man. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Blessed	Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have a child to think about. A child who loves you and you should put him first above everything in your life. Make sure he grows up feeling loved. Make sure he has what he needs, a home, family, food, education. Teach him morals and values, right from wrong, to help others. God took someone bad away and left you with someone who loves you and needs you. You are to be a responsible adult now. Take care of your child and happiness will find you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Garry W	Old rules and habits must be rejected and dismissed, so that something new can be created. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

akncw	I know it's difficult but you do it by focusing on the present.I lost my mom at birth and even forty years have passed I still have that sometime on the back of my head.just be strong Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

?	Wow. It's easy to say time will heal your wounds, but it does. It's not your fault he's gone, but you really should get some counseling so you can figure out why you stayed with him for so long. I'm not sure if you have a child, or had an abortion?? Do talk to someone to sort out your feelings. Good Luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kim v	I don't know how old you are, but I really think it is time to move on and forget the horrible past...There are better men out there!! You do not need to be beaten by a man to be loved, so find a nice guy and let this other man rest... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Deirdre H	The way, the only way, to let go of the past is to accept it. It is your past. It is part of you. You need to accept it as such, and learn from it. You also need to let go of the resentment and anger that you have. You can do this through the act of forgiveness. Most people don't understand what "forgive" means. It does not mean that you condone another's actions. It does not mean that you forget. It does not mean that you have to treat a person or a situation as if it never happened. It means only that you no longer harbor resentment to that person or situation. It frees YOU from constantly reliving what happened. It means that you no longer fill up a cup of venom for that other person, and then drink it yourself. Acceptance and forgiveness are perhaps the two most powerful tools you will have. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kakariki	It's normal to grieve, even for an undeserving a**hole like that guy. Sorry to speak ill of the dead, but realities have to be faced. The guy was an abusive, unfaithful liar. You desperately need therapy so that you NEVER stay with a guy like that again. For one thing, you deserve better. For another thing, your son will grow up just like him if you continue to see guys like him. Best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ryanpowell17	you shouldnt have stayed around that long if he was beating you i would have beat his *** for you if i could Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

livinhapi	first forgive yourself then forgive him and forget him. then move on. be happy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ellis Wyatt	I'm going to be blunt: you need counseling. If he was still alive, he probably would have killed you by now, and here you are trying to get over him? Get some counseling to find out why you'd choose to stay with a guy like that in the first place. If money is an issue, you can go to your local university to get help from a closely supervised graduate student at a very reduced rate. Until you get that sorted out, you will keep picking a$$-holes like him and risk getting you & your baby hurt or killed. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

purplewoman 86	child from the look of it you didnt need him if he had to put his hands on you. if a man feel like he got to put his hands on you he aint worth a dime in your or his own pocket i apologize for the decease and all but you didnt need that and you shouldnt want to remember the times he put his hands on you i didnt even read your entire question when i read the part him beating on you i immediately stop reading. and another female calling her house whats up with that and you wondering how can you get over that you should. just keep praying to GOD and he'll see you through put your problems in GOD hands dont try to handle them alone Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

luvlife	I know you may be dealing with an emotional lost but be for real that was a blessing because a lot of women aren't' that fortunate because they end up in the grave. Some things are to prepare you for your destiny so learn from your past and press forward. PS- GOD always forgives you and He loves you and don't ever forget it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SuddenlySimple	just realize you've grown from the experience and everything has happened for a reason. Learn from what has happened and let it influence not run your future. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Karl L	Keep praying and praying for god to help you foregive. Trust me it works you will forgive and if your lucky you will eventually forget. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

leah_flintham	how did he die? i suggest you speak to a proffessional, you need to let go of feelings that you have and talking is the best way .....don't sweep it under the carpet because it won't go away, it will eat you up. talk to someone. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

axelchick2395	thats really sad. just pretend he wasn't in your life, well thast really hard, but pretend that you had your baby with someone else. Thats really sad. You should get married or even be with the person 4 year before you a have a child with him/her. Also i would go to a physical theripist. Thanks Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Starte Christ	It will let go of you if you let it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Racist Answer Man	How? As fast as possible, that's how. Who would want to hang on to that. Maybe God did forgive you and took him out of your life. Gives you another shot at your life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MadforMAC	Sweetheart, first, thank God you have been released from this abusive man forever! Remember, love does not hurt, especially physically. Abusive men DO NOT LOVE, remember that. You need to build your self-esteem, figure out why you stayed and how come you were a "mark" for someone like him. It's important you do this so you won't ever get into another relationship with one like him. There are way too many of these guys out there, you have to out smart them. How? By valuing/respecting yourself, not being needy or desperate ("I need a man") and doing something positive with your life. Get some counseling for this, you need to work through the abuse you experienced and move on. You can do this through talk therapy with a female counselor Versed in abuse. Check out your local mental health clinic for low cost sessions, go once a week and do your "homework". Ask the counselor to give you tools to deal with the memories, feelings, etc. Catch yourself when you think of him, make sure you think of him in a negative way and give thanks he's now standing in front of God instead of with you. Live your life, make it good and rise above this. I did. Email me if you want to get some support and more information. A great book: "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Pat Evans, one of the best out there that describes them, show you have to deal with them and move on. I suggest you get it and read it over and over. You take care of yourself. You CAN do this! Go girl! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

thesunnshynne	hes gone now. he is your sons father remember the good! that is the problem with us now days we always focus on all the bad and never remember the good. For your son remember the good. Dont forget what he did to you, and if you choose to tell your son that when he gets older thats cool 2. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lucki	You need to think about your son and how this could be affecting him as well. Try to move on for the both of you. Keep yourself busy as much as possible and do things that you enjoy. Keep your surroundings peaceful and happy. As well as surrounding yourself with people that you love and who love you and support you. Good Luck Hun. I know it must be hard. Just try really hard for the both of you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MAD-DOG	date me :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

moms_rose	He is gone now. Forgive him and yourself. Just LET GO. Time will heal you. Love yourself. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

alexagold	muv on...... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

none	You need therapy. Real bad. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DORY	You've learned from your past, and tomorrow is a brand new day! Now, you make your future, it's all up to you! Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No