elizabeth
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Try this exercise:
- Write down the feeling you experience when you think you are being boring to talk to:
- Write down all of the thoughts you have surrounding this problem:
(eg. If I'm not entertaining enough then no body will want to hang around with me)
- Next read them back to yourself, and ask yourself the following questions.
- Are these thoughts realistic or rational?
- Are they helping me to think in this way?
- Am I thinking in extremes here?
Finish by writing down next to each thought a more rational thought. Such as, I don't have to be the life and soul of the party, most people are more interested in what they have to say themselves than noticing the fact that I don't have much to say today. etc...
You should get the book cognitive behavioural therapy - for dummies.
Its fantastic, it has loads of really good exercises to change negative thoughts and anxieties
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shirley
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Don't. That's who you are. Find people who love you just the way you are.
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Lala
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well being a fun person should come natural but to get past your dullnessyou should laugh a lot...also you can comment on stuff that the other person is saying and that usually keeps the conversation going longer...
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freckledpeanut82
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I think the most important part of a conversation is getting the other person engaged in it. Ask them simple (not too personal) questions about them. If you know they like something, be completely and totally interested in it. Once you've acknowledged their like, then followup with something you enjoy. It's important to actually care what the other person has to say. They will be able to tell how genuine you are.
The more you practice the less nervous you'll be! So keep on keeping on.
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Anna1223
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Take up some hobbies or evening classes then you can chat to people you have things in common with.
Most people don't like listening anyway, they like talking about themselves. Look interested in what they have to say and let them talk about themselves. Ask them lots of questions. Not personal ones though.
Be happy too. If you complain you will just make people feel down.
Failing that, get the book about making friends and influencing people.
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balletgal
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First thing to do is to not be distressed over it, that'll only show in your presence when you talk to someone. Try making the conversation about the person you are talking to. Ask questions rather than bring up ideas or opinions. Talk about your favorite music, things you've seen or heard, but not gossip. People like it when you sound nice, as though you really care about them. Maybe you are not boring at all and you are too self conscious so you think about it too much. Ask a close friend if you seem this way to them.
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chris p
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become more independent and people will want to hang with u. think of fun stuff to do then invite others. you'll have a lot more to talk about. i'm always looking for local events in paper and online then tell others. dont think about it get out and do it. then tell others how much fun it was. good luck
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complicatedtallblonde
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talk about what you or the other person enjoys.. that is what will make you not boring. carry the conversateions with jokes.. talk about politics.. everyone says that this is a no no but if you just reserve your opinion and act interested in how they feel any why the conversation will go...
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heartbroken </3
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say somthing interesting, or talk about what ppl wanna hear, like , perhaps, a new movie , or ask how their weekend was, and in vite them to go some place fun wit you.
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Jessi(ca)
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a lot of people have this problem. Don't worry about it.
What are some of your interests? The best thing to do is to start talking about things that YOU enjoy, instead of trying to talk about things other people enjoy. That will give you something to go off of that you can talk about for an extended amount of time.
You should also talk to people that have similar interests, it alleviates the burden of trying to find common ground.
Movies are a great way to start a conversation. Go see a popular movie. Like Dark Night. Most people have seen it and enjoyed it, and they will want to talk about it. Movies give you a great conversation starter, and they usually spark ideas for new conversation.
Current events are also a hit. The best way to handle talking about current events is to watch the Colbert Report or a similar program. No I'm not kidding! They are actually extremely informative, and they give you great jokes and humor to throw into your conversations.
No one has nothing interesting to share. You keep yourself entertained, so chances are, it will entertain others as well. Just talk about what you like to do.
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I'M AN ALLIGATOR!!!
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read. the more you read, the more youll know
the more you know, the more interesting youll be to talk to
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Viola
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*ask the person you're talking to lots of questions to make them do a lot of the talking
* have a few funny stories/ remarkable anecdote up your sleeve to tell people
* read books, watch films, do stuff that you can talk about
* try to relax and not think too much about being judged by others
* smile and remember that everyone has interesting things about them!
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C'est..La..Vie
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Silences are normal in conversations, even in big groups. When your chatting to someone just bring things up like new movies, songs, places. If you get stuck you could comment on the weather even lol If you dont know the person there is so many questions you can ask and great thing to do is if you have something in common talk about it! You need to realise people want to hear what you have to say, or they wouldnt bother with you. They are as interested in you as you are in them. Good luck!
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jessica
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Be outgoing and relax dont think about it too much..give a compliment but not too much and dont forget to smile
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Amy L
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i do not have a cure for you just some understanding. i know exactly what you mean, i have the same dilemma. i normally rack my brains for questions to ask them and then just listen with enthusiasm. i do try and crack a few jokes but they don't get any laughs. the problem is other people who wont respond unless you hit a nerve with them and it always involves flattering them or commenting on something in their lives.
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Ralph Phipps-Conley
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Say or do something totally unexpected.
For example, when you've finished discussing the weather, suddenly exclaim 'Golly, my pantaloons are on fire!' then dance about like a lunatic, trying to extinguish this imaginary blaze.
If you appreciate the fact that you are dull, then there is no excuse whatsoever for continuing to be so.
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Scarface
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Don't worry, it's easy.
With Guys- just bring up sports. Apart from that, there's very little more room for "small talk" with guys (unless you're a girl, obviously)
With Girls- Ask them questions about themselves. One after another if that's what it takes- trust me, they'll not shut-up.
Best way to keep a flow is to look at personalities like Leno, Letterman, etc..and see what they do on their show when they are conducting interviews.
You'll note how they HARDLY ever talk about themselves, and the entire converstation is fixated on the celebrity.
Keep the conversation on THEM not YOU and you'll notice the results.
Why?
Because people LOVE talking about themselves and telling their own story.
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Ben D
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I'm the same, people ARE interested in hearing you speak, noone wants to speak to you otherwise, so speak up.
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Brigitte P
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If you don't have much to talk about, try listening
if they ask you a question simply answer it, then ask a more interesting question about them
also try not to think about the conversation that much,try going with the flow more
Don't worry about it so much, just practice it with people
see what works, see what doesn't
hope this helps!
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Marin G
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Try just being yourself relax and don't think to much about what you are talking about or if you are dull or interesting. Just have fun and go on with the conversation. Bring new topics to the conversation just talk about what you are interested in. There is no exact formula for this :) You just need to figure it out for yourself
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sean1201
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Try this approach. Don't say anything. Look at people with a puzzled and confused look on your face. I assure you they'll approach you.
Works every time for me.
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tattyhead65
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Have you tried online chatting using Yahoo Messenger (or any other messenger for that matter)? I like it, as I can scroll up and see what I've already said. This may help you to develop the conversation and if you join a group based on something you're interested in, that can only help.
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loni_831
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Just ask alot of questions. Like sit down and ask sorts of questions, (especially questions pertaining to them). Like their hobbies, family, interests, opinions, advice, anything. People like talking about themselves, and you won't even have to really talk because they will do most of the talking just by answering your questions. All you have to do is ask and be interested
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Pavlov's Daughter
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Ask questions! I know that's tough, I sometimes have a hard time finding things to ask but there's the basic things:school, music, movies, hobbies, etc. When they answer give yours and maybe comment on their answer etc. Just keep the ball rolling with little bits of small talk, you'll do fine.
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Amy
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hmm well always keep a positive attitude coz it really shows when u talk to people. Always smile and laugh a lot even if you arent saying much just keep smiling lol
and just keep positively thinking.
:)
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emily_heathcote
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Hey dont worry lots of people who seem relaxed are often worried in social situations.
Firstly try not to keep focusing too much on what people are thinking of you and getting worried about that.
Have a set formular for talking to people in advance such as general questions you can ask people, or small things to do or say.
My tips are :
if you have nothing to say just smile and look interested. sometimes you could laugh about the tension saying 'haha sorry im lost for words tonight'
questions you can ask such as
have you had a good day
are you doing much later in the week
talk about your day what you have been doing
takl about films or the news or weather.
if you can practice just talking to people you can worry later about relaxing and appearing cooler. try taking along a friend with you.
good luck!
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Joseph, II
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Learn to get people to talk about THEMSELVES- by asking the RIGHT Questions. It's something most everybody likes to do... You'll become a better Listener... -& what You LEARN from what you HEAR, will eventually make you a better Speaker! :)
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Nasty Void
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thats one of those vicious circle thingys.more you focus on it less you talk.less you talk -more you focus on it.how about forget about it-just be your self.talk if you feel like it-if you dont,dont.The more I used to focus on topics and crap to talk about the more fake and dead it sounded,and like you ended in long uncomfortable silences.sooner you forget about it the better.besides,some things are not worth talking about
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Catcanscratch
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First off, You don't have to talk every minute & dominate the conversation....Try really listening too!!
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Adobe
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conversation is easy-get the other person to talk. ask them questions. you'll find that you don't really have to come up with something, because most people like to talk about themsellves.
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Thomas B
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You need to be a good listener. People love to talk about themselves, so ask them leading questions about their job, hobbies holidays, pets etc. they will think you are very interesting - what a nice guy!
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